


sports medicine

by questionableatbest



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: and he gives the best massages in the world and tells dex to chill while he's doing it, and yeahh, everything is the same except nursey isn't on the team, he's the sports med student assigned to the team, it isn't as bad as it sounds i promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-08-28 07:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 34,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8436175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/questionableatbest/pseuds/questionableatbest
Summary: Dex didn’t know what he’d expected the sports medicine student to look like, but Derek Nurse blew all of those expectations away.For starters, he was beautiful.Like, ridiculously beautiful in a way that was surreal and absolutely impossible and completely and entirely not fair at all, and Dex kind of hated him because of it.//OR- nursey is the sports medicine student in charge of the hockey team, and dex finds it very, very difficult to chill whenever he's around





	1. massages

**Author's Note:**

> this is going to get a better title just as soon as i think of one and also
> 
> i did 0 research which means that none of the almost medical information is real and the sports medicine program that nursey is in definitely isn't real, but use the power of your imagination and pretend?

Varsity athletes had access to free massages.

Dex knew this, because his teammates never stopped gushing about them.

Shitty called them _‘the most motherfucking gloriously stimulating but completely non-sexual experience of my life,’_ and Jack insisted that they were an important part of recovery, and Bitty made cookies for the sports medicine student who was responsible for them because, _‘really, that boys hands are magical.’_

Despite the stellar reviews, Dex had never actually gotten a massage.

Growing up, they weren’t exactly financially accessible, and when he got to college he figured that, free or not, they were unnecessary. He’d spent a summer working on a lobster boat and he’d survived without any massages so, really, he could survive hockey season.

The fact that he really wasn’t keen on a stranger with supposedly magical hands touching him was completely beside the point.

Still, when he pulled a muscle in his back and had to sit out a practice and Jack forwarded him an email containing information on the massages and a message reading, _‘Take better care of yourself, Pointdexter,’_ Dex resigned himself to his fate.

Of course, that didn’t mean that Dex was excited and it definitely didn’t mean that he was going to enjoy the massage, and maybe he was a bit too stubborn for his own good, but that was entirely beside the point.

He was more nervous than anything, but he definitely wasn’t admitting that.

Instead, he just called the number that Jack gave him and talked to a receptionist and made an appointment, and then he tried to forget about it until the next day.

Forgetting about it was made harder by the fact that his back ached whenever he moved and sometimes when he didn’t move, but that was also beside the point.

 

//

 

Dex didn’t know what he’d expected the sports medicine student to look like, but Derek Nurse blew all of those expectations away.

For starters, he was beautiful.

Like, ridiculously beautiful in a way that was surreal and absolutely impossible and completely and entirely not fair at all, and Dex kind of hated him because of it.

They were the same height, but Derek Nurse was definitely a bit broader than he was and he looked a lot more comfortable in his body. He had dark skin, a mess of curly hair, tattoos that Dex didn't even want to think about, and an easy smile that was currently being aimed at Dex and, really. Dex wanted to melt.

He wanted to disappear on the spot and he wanted to run away, but he couldn’t do that because his back was still killing him so all he ended up doing was stepping into the room he’d been directed towards and asking, “Hey, uh- you’re the massage guy?”

Derek Nurse’s smile only widened as he waved a hand casually through the air and said, “Hey, man, it’s Nursey,” and it took Dex a moment of confusion before understanding washed over him.

“They gave you a nickname?” he asked, mildly amused despite his nerves, and Nursey nodded.

“Yeah, man, Rans and Holster had a slideshow about how important it was,” he explained, and Dex had seen the slideshow in question so he smiled despite himself. Nursey smiled back for a few moments before he asked, “What was your name?” and Dex felt himself start to blush, like he always did when he talked to cute guys, which was just great.

He blurted out, “William J. Pointdexter,” before he could stop and think about how ridiculous it all sounded, and then he backtracked and added, “Uh- but the team goes with Dex,” and Nursey just took it all in stride.

“Nice,” he said, and then he asked, “Your back’s the problem, yeah?” and Dex nodded, struggling to compose himself.

“I pulled something in practice the other day and the captain thinks I need to take better care of myself, so.”

“So?”

“So here I am?” he tried, because it had seemed obvious to him, but Nursey just raised an eyebrow.

“Just ‘cause Jack sent you?” Nursey asked, and Dex really didn’t know why he was pushing it, but Dex also really didn’t like being pushed.

“Is there a problem with that?” he asked, and maybe it sounded a bit too harsh and maybe Nursey didn’t deserve that, but massages were stressful and cute boys were stressful and his back really did hurt, so who could blame him for being a bit testy?

Apparently Derek Nurse could, but he just held up his hands in surrender and said, “Nah man, it’s chill,” and then asked, “You coming in, though?” and Dex realized that their whole conversation had taken place while he’d been standing in the door.

He moved inside and dropped his bag, but he wasn’t quite sure what to do after that. There was a table set up in the middle of the room, and a desk that Nursey was sitting at off to the side, and there was a chair in the corner as well, and Dex was back to wanting to run away, but Nursey spoke up before he could do that.

“If we’re working on your back, it’ll be easiest if you take off your shirt,” he said, which only made Dex want to run even further because, really.

He was a varsity athlete and he worked out enough to know that he looked fine without a shirt on, but that wasn’t the problem.

The problem was, was that Dex had red hair and ridiculously pale skin and when he blushed, it never really stopped at his cheeks. It had a tendency to cover his neck and his shoulders and make its way down his back just slightly and, if he took off his shirt for the massage, Nursey would see that the entire time. He’d know how nervous Dex was, and that would only make Dex more nervous.

Still, there wasn’t exactly a way around it and he couldn’t say anything without being weird, so he just said, “Right,” and then cleared his throat and coughed slightly, before he pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it unceremoniously on top of his bag. “Uh,” he started when that was done, “Do I just lie down, or…?”

“Yeah, man, that’d be perfect,” Nursey said, and Dex swallowed and nodded and did just that.

He tried to move as smoothly as possible but, really, he felt like an idiot as he climbed onto the table and lined his face up with the hole in it, and then did his very best to relax, even as he heard Nursey moving around him.

“So this is your first massage?” Nursey asked, and Dex hummed his response, not really trusting his voice anymore. When warm hands started running over his shoulders, he was caught off guard and almost jumped off the table, and it got a small laugh out of Nursey, before Nursey said, “Chill, bro,” and, really, it was just about the least helpful thing that Dex had ever been told.

“A little warning would be nice,” he said through gritted teeth, and the next time Nursey’s hands landed on his back, he felt himself tense up again. “Or not,” he muttered, and this time he was pretty sure that Nursey let out a sigh.

“Bro,” he said, and it was in the same ridiculously low, ridiculously calm voice that he’d used before, but this time it also sounded a bit frustrated, “If you don’t loosen up a bit, this is gonna hurt.”

“Isn’t it your job to make sure that it doesn’t?” Dex chirped but it came out as more of a snap and, really. He knew that he was being a dick, but he also felt exposed and vulnerable and he knew his entire face was bright red which meant that his neck and back were too, and he hated everything about it.

Nursey let out a sharper sigh this time, and then he said, “Right,” before his hands were back on Dex, moving, and this time they were firm and purposeful and-

“Fucking hell,” Dex exclaimed, recoiling but only really pushing himself further into the table,  before he turned his head to look at Nursey and said, “That’s not even where my back hurts, dude,” and Nursey actually rolled his eyes.

“I’ll get there eventually if you just let me do my job,” he said, and then added, “Seriously, bro, just chill like, a tiny bit,” and Dex clenched his jaw which, really, was probably the opposite of what Nursey wanted him to do.

“Fine,” he muttered, because there wasn’t much else he could do, and after another few seconds of staring Nursey down, he turned back around and tried to relax.

He tried to ignore how tense the room seemed, and how Nursey’s hands were warm and efficient but definitely not as gentle as they’d been before, and he tried to ignore the fact that all of that was his fault. He tried not to blame himself for how awkward it was, but it didn’t entirely work because, really. Dex was used to being that person. He got nervous and he panicked and he was an asshole; it happened all the time, and it had happened once again, and now Derek Nurse hated him.

Despite that realization and the impending sense of doom that accompanied it, the actual massage wasn’t terrible.

There was a chance that it actually felt nice- painful, but in a good way, and almost soothing- but Dex would never admit to that.

Instead, when he felt Nursey pull his hands away and then heard him step back and say, “That’s it,” he just clenched his jaw and moved to sit up.

Of course, when he did that, he was hit with even more pain than before and he let out the most embarrassing noise he’d ever made as he curled in on himself and said, “What the fuck, dude?”

Nursey almost looked sympathetic, but then he just smiled. It didn’t look genuine at all. “It’s gotta get worse before it can get better,” he said, like that made any sense in the world, and Dex scoffed.

“And you couldn’t have told me that before you went and made it worse?” he asked, and Nursey just shrugged.

“Seemed kind of obvious, bro,” he said, and Dex wanted to strangle him, he really, really did, but then Nursey added, “I’m here Tuesdays and Thursdays. If it’s not better by Tuesday, come back and I’ll give you some stretches to do,” and at least that was almost helpful but, well.

Dex was already holding a grudge, and he was good at holding grudges, so he just said, “Great,” with as much sarcasm as he could muster,  and his anger probably would have been a whole lot more effective if he hadn’t bent down to pick up his shirt, and then accidentally let out another pained noise.

Nursey was by his side in a second, with one hand on his elbow and the other on his lower back, and he slowly guided Dex’s movements until he was standing up, and Dex really, really just felt like he wanted to die, because being face to face with Derek Nurse was definitely something.

But then Nursey’s brow was creased and his lips were tilting downwards and he said, “Dude, Jack’s right- you’ve gotta take better care of yourself,” and Dex pulled away.

“I’m fine,” he said, and his movements were a bit choppy and he winced when he pulled his shirt on and Nursey didn’t look convinced at all, so Dex just kept scowling. “Just leave it, would you?”

“Fine, bro,” Nursey said, and he took a step back and Dex kind of missed how close together they’d been but he definitely wasn’t thinking about that, and he was about to reach down and lift up his bag, when Nursey beat him to it. “Thanks,” he muttered, and Nursey really didn’t look impressed.

“Whatever,” he said, and then he was turning around and heading for his desk, and Dex knew a dismissal when he saw one.

He said, “Thanks,” again, and he got an, “It’s chill,” in response, and that was that, so Dex turned and left.

 

//

 

Except of course it couldn’t just be left there, because they played two games that weekend and Dex played in both and by the time Tuesday rolled around, his back was even worse than before.

He showed up at Nursey’s office with his head bowed, feeling ridiculously sheepish and, when he got there, he realized that Nursey wasn’t actually alone.

The door was propped open and Holster was on the table, with his shorts rolled up while Nursey massaged his thigh.

For half a second, Dex imagined being in Holsters place, and then he thanked every god in the world that he wasn’t because, really.

There was a chance that Derek Nurse was an actual god, and having an actual god that close to his dick would probably be just a bit too much for Dex to handle.

When he shook his head and cleared away that train of thought, he realized a moment too late that he’d been staring and that Nursey and Holster were both staring back at him, and that Nursey was definitely smirking, and Dex felt his face turn bright red.

Holster was the first to speak, saying, “Yo Dex, you finally gave in?” and Dex blinked, while Nursey’s eyebrows shot up.

“Gave in?” he asked, and Holster turned to him.

“Bro’s been complaining about how ‘massages are for rich people who’ve never actually done enough physical labour to need them’ for like, the past year and a half,” Holster explained, and Dex had definitely been known to rant about that, but he also definitely didn’t need somebody who actually gave massages to know that.

“Dude,” he groaned, while Holster only shrugged, and Nursey just raised his eyebrows even higher.

“What? I mean, you kind of have a point, bro, but these massages are free, so.”

Dex decided to roll his eyes and ignore that entirely, and then he turned his gaze onto Nursey and said, “You said to come back if it didn’t get better?”

“Yeah, bro,” he said, and he blinked a few times, like he was trying to wake himself up from something, before he shook his head slightly and nodded towards the chair in the corner. “Holtzy and I will be done soon, if you don’t mind waiting?”

Dex said, “It’s fine,” and then he headed for the corner and dropped into the chair, and Nursey turned back to Holster and Holster started back in on whatever story he’d been telling before Dex had interrupted.

Nursey listened and commented and occasionally Dex did too, but most of Nursey’s attention seemed to go into his work, and it meant that Dex got to focus most of his own attention on Nursey.

Frankly, he hated it.

Nursey was just as attractive as ever, and the way he moved was steady and sure and confident, and the way that him and Holster talked made it sound like they were actually friends, and Dex realized pretty quickly that they probably were.

Somehow, that made the fact that Nursey almost definitely hated Dex hurt even more, and Dex tried not to think about it but he couldn’t really help it and, by the time Holster said his goodbyes and left, Dex was even more stressed out than before and, of course, Nursey noticed.

“Chill, bro,” Nursey said, and then he turned away and started wiping down the massage table and, when he looked back towards Dex, his expression was nothing but wary.

“If you show me exactly what’s wrong, I can give you more specific stretches,” he said, and Dex couldn’t really argue with that and he didn’t want to, so he just climbed in the table and tried to straighten his back.

“It’s just a pulled muscle or something,” he said,  and Nursey raised his eyebrows, clearly asking for more information, so Dex tried to lift an arm to point out the problem. “It’s there,” he said, gesturing towards his upper back, near his left shoulder as best as he could, “And kind of there,” he said, pointing lower.

Nursey nodded his head and hummed for a moment, before he asked, “Can I feel?” and Dex nodded, trying not to let his reluctance show.

He knew he was too stiff and he knew that his skin was bright red and probably too hot and he forced himself not to lean into Nursey’s touch and he knew he was being weird about it, so he wasn’t surprised at all when Nursey said, “Bro, chill,” but Dex did let out a sigh that was meant to be exasperated, and he was surprised when Nursey said, “Good.”

He figured that the deep breathing helped, so he focused on that for the rest of the time he was there, and he thanked Nursey for the stretches that he explained, and he held back every rude comment that he thought of, and he was more than relieved when it was finally over.

 

//

 

The next time Dex stopped by the Haus, his back was feeling significantly better. He could actually move again, and it was a huge relief, and Bitty noticed immediately.

“We all told you that Derek is a miracle worker,” he said, and Dex loved Bitty as much as everybody else on the team, but he also rolled his eyes when Bitty turned around because, really. _‘Miracle worker,_ ’ was laying it on a bit thick.

“He’s alright,” Dex conceded, and he was sure that Bitty would have left it that that, but Ransom came into the room with just enough time to hear, and Ransom definitely wouldn’t leave it.

“Who’s alright?” he asked, grabbing a pile of cookies and dropping into his seat at the table.

“Nursey,” Bitty said, and added, “And those’ll burn you,” but Ransom ignored the last bit and took a bite anyways, and smiled through it.

“Are we talking about Dexey’s crush?” he asked, and he sounded so excited that it took Dex a moment to actually process what those words meant, at which point he did a double take, because-

“What.”

“Holtzy said that you and Nurse were chirping each other like wild, and we all know that chirping is flirting, so.”

“… You and Holster chirp each other all the time.”

“… So?”

Dex looked to Bitty for help, but Bitty just shrugged. When it came to Ransom and Holsters relationship it was definitely best to not ask any more questions than necessary, so Dex sighed and just let it be as well.

“I don’t have a crush on Nursey,” is all he ended up saying, and Bitty definitely looked like he was hiding a smile and Ransom didn’t look convinced at all, but Dex decided to ignore them entirely, so that’s what he did.

 

//

 

Dex went to see Nursey a few more times about his back, but once he started doing the stretches on a daily basis it started getting better quickly.

Dex told himself that that was for the best because, really, whenever he was around Derek Nurse he ended up acting like a dick, and he hated himself for it and he hated Derek for bringing it out of him and he just hated everything about it, really.

He also told himself that, despite what Holster said, Dex did not have a crush on Nursey.

Dex barely even liked Nursey.

Nursey was calm and self-assured and too funny for his own good and a tiny bit sassy and just so fucking chill all the time that it was ridiculous, and Dex didn’t find any of it attractive or appealing at all.

Still, that didn’t change the fact that Dex blushed whenever Nursey touched him, or that his stomach rolled over in a good way when Nursey acted like maybe he didn’t hate Dex, or that he just couldn’t stop thinking about Nursey, and Dex knew that all of that was weird.

He knew it was weird but he didn’t want it to be, but stupid Holster had put stupid ideas about it into Dex’s stupid head, and it meant that Dex went out of his way to not make it weird, which meant that it always ended up weird.

It meant that Dex always acted like a dick, and it meant that Dex was ridiculously relieved when his back stopped hurting him altogether, and he didn’t have to go see Nursey anymore.

The fact that he was starting to miss Nursey was entirely beside the point.


	2. republican stickers and stress relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope y'all are ready for some fun misunderstandings because that is 100% what this chapter is made of

A few weeks later, midterms were well under way and hockey season was as well, and Dex found himself in the library more often than not.

He always sat at the same table, on the sixth floor in a back corner tucked away between bookshelves, where nobody ever really went. Nobody else was ever there, so it was perfect for studying or taking naps or just about anything else that Dex could use it for, and he found that he’d grown rather attached to it.

It wasn’t quite like a second home (third, if you counted the haus), but it was close.

Dex was heading there one day, navigating the stacks of shelves and tables of people like a pro, when he rounded one shelf and almost straight walked into two people making out.

If he’d been thinking, Dex would have just turned around and walked away. He would have found another way to get to his table and he would have left it at that but, as it was, Dex wasn’t really thinking. He had about a million assignments on his mind and a million plays that he was trying to memorize, and it all took up a considerable amount of brain space so, when he saw the couple, he short circuited for a moment.

He made a noise that was somewhere between surprised, disgusted, and exasperated and, when that happened, the couple broke apart to look at him and Dex’s stomach sank immediately, because-

“Oh, hey man,” Derek Nurse said, sounding as casual as ever, despite the fact that he was pressed between a bookshelf and another guy, with his hair sticking everywhere and his lips dark red, looking completely dishevelled.

Dex knew he was staring and he knew it was a little bit rude and definitely weird, but he also had no idea what to say.

Luckily, Nursey didn’t seem to think anything was off. He just asked, “How’s your back doing?” and Dex was pretty sure that his jaw dropped a tiny bit.

For a moment, Dex just blinked.

He looked from Nursey, to the guy he was holding onto, and then back to Nursey, and he blinked again.

He considered the question and he considered answering it and he considered asking, _‘What the fuck is your problem?’_ but instead he just turned on his heel and walked away.

He could feel his face burning and his head pounding, but he made it to his table anyways and, when he got there, he sat down and rested his forehead on the cool surface of it, and tried to disappear.

He considered running away and starting a new life, and he considered moving back to Maine, and he considered changing his name and taking up ice fishing somewhere in Alaska because he could probably manage that and, really, it seemed easier than ever actually facing Derek Nurse ever again, but then he snapped himself out of it because, really.

Derek Nurse was the one making out with somebody in the library, and Derek Nurse was the one who should be embarrassed.

The fact that Dex had reacted like a five year old was completely beside the point, and he had nothing to be embarrassed of.

The fact that Derek Nurse’s face, with bruised lips and foggy eyes, was burned into his memory was also entirely beside the point.

Dex pulled out his computer and a few textbooks as well, and he spread them out across the table so that nobody would sit with him, and then he got to work.

Or, at least, he tried to, but focusing was harder than usual and he knew that he knew how to do the problems he was working on, but he also just couldn’t make sense of them. No matter what he tried,his mind kept drifting back to the fact that he was the most awkward person in the world, and that he was probably going to die alone.

He knew wallowing wasn’t productive, but he was pouting anyways and, when Nursey rounded the corner ten minutes after Dex had sat down and waved at him, Dex couldn’t stop himself from letting out a frustrated sigh.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to deter Nursey. He frowned, but he kept walking towards Dex and, if Dex didn’t know any better, than he would say that Nursey actually looked sheepish.

As it was, Dex really didn’t really think that was possible.

Still, Nursey’s hands were in his pockets and his shoulders were hunched over a tiny bit and, despite the nervous air around him, he looked good. He’d traded in his Samwell Athletics regulation polo for a sweater and he was wearing jeans instead of gym shorts and, when he got closer, Dex tried to ignore what looked like a hickey that had made its home on Nursey’s neck.

Dex was so focused on his aggressive scrutiny of everything about Derek Nurse, that he barely heard the first words out of his mouth. Still, he caught on in time to hear, “Hey, so I’m sorry if that made you… uncomfortable?” and then Dex couldn’t help but scoff, but he also didn’t know what to say.

He figured that, ‘I would have been a lot less uncomfortable if you’d been between _me_ and the bookshelf,’ probably wasn’t the best option, so he ended up going with, “Dude, in the library? Could you be more of a cliche?” and he wanted it to be a chirp, but he definitely just sounded judgemental.

Dex was pretty sure that Nursey’s face turned a tiny bit red, but he couldn’t really tell. Nursey did look down at the table in front of him though, and he was half way through a shrug when he looked back up and his eyes seemed to get caught on Dex’s laptop, and then he was definitely frowning.

“Is that a Samwell Republican sticker?” he asked, and it caught Dex off guard.

“Yes?”

Dex knew the one that Nursey was referring to- it was the one that his brother had stuck to his laptop when Dex had gotten into Samwell. It was the one that Dex had planned on peeling off, before he realized that if he went home and his family saw his computer without it, they would have questions. It was the one that Dex resented completely and entirely, but that he’d also resigned himself to.

Before he had the chance to say any of that, Nursey was standing up. He actually looked angry- the opposite of chill, really, and then he said, “Well, at least that explains why Ryan and I made you so uncomfortable,” and then he was walking away, and Dex was left trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened.

It hit him a few moments later, that Nursey was assuming that Dex was a republican and he was assuming that being a republican meant that you were homophobic (which, fair.), but Nursey was also so wrong that it was almost laughable, and all of a sudden, Dex was pissed off.

For half a second, Dex felt like he owed Nursey an explanation, but he stopped himself from thinking that and told himself that he didn’t care.

He didn’t have to justify himself to Derek Nurse, and he wasn’t going to.

Nursey didn’t get to go around being the most chill person in the world, giving great massages and making out with people in the library, and then judging Dex based off of one sticker. It was none of Nursey’s business, and Dex had better things to do than care about his opinion at all.

With that in mind, he turned back to his computer and got to work on his problems.

 

 

//

 

 

As it turned out, not thinking about Derek Nurse was hard, and it was made even harder by the fact that Dex started running into him everywhere.

Worst of all, however, was the fact that Nursey always seemed to be surrounded by beautiful people, who all looked way cooler than Dex.

Dex saw him on the way to class with a group of followers trailing behind him, and he saw him in the library again, this time at a table surrounded by other students, and he even saw him at the Murder Stop & Shop once, with the same guy from the library, carrying armfuls of energy drinks. Dex considered pointing out just how unhealthy energy drinks actually were, but then he decided against it because, really, he could practically already hear Nursey telling him to chill.

Instead, Dex never said anything to Nursey, and Nursey never said anything back.

They glared at each other and, one time, Dex was pretty sure he saw Nursey kiss library guy just to spite him, but that was it and that was fine.

The team still talked about Nursey and fawned over him and his massages, but Dex ignored them, except for a snort here or there. It got him a questioning look from Bitty and, at one point, Chowder actually asked if something was wrong, but Dex just brushed them off because, really. The actual reality of the situation was a bit ridiculous and, if the team knew about it, Dex was pretty sure he’d get chirped endlessly.

As it was, Holster and Ransom still wiggled their eyebrows at Dex when Nursey was brought up, but Dex could ignore that too. He figured that if he just kept glaring, they would quit it one day.

Really, that was his strategy for dealing with anything related to Derek Nurse at all and, for the most part, it worked.

It left him feeling like a bit of a dick, and it made walking around campus more stressful than usual, and the fact that Nursey was almost always on the back of his mind was definitely ridiculous, but that was all beside the point, because Nursey was in the wrong and Dex didn’t owe him a thing.

Of course, ignoring somebody’s existence entirely got a bit harder when you ended up in the same room as that person and, when Dex walked into the kitchen in the Haus one day only to find Nursey sitting at the table, that’s exactly what happened.

Dex had been looking for Bitty, but when he saw Nursey sitting at the table, sprawled out like he owned the place, that thought disappeared from his mind and a scowl grew on his face because, really.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, before he could stop himself, and Nursey looked up and blinked, before recognition washed over his face and he crossed his arms.

“That’s literally none of your business,” Nursey said, and Dex felt his eyebrows pull even closer together and he knew his face was turning red, but that was also kind of fair.

It’s not like Dex lived in the Haus, and it’s not like he really had any more of a right to be there than Nursey did, and Dex had been pretty rude, but he’d also never been very good at admitting his mistakes, so he just rolled his eyes and said, “Whatever,” and then asked, “Is Bitty around?” and Nursey raised an eyebrow.

“Why?” he asked, “Oh wait, let me guess- you’re trying to avoid him?” and Dex was confused for half a second, before he realized what Nursey was implying, at which point Dex actually considered punching him.

Instead, he clenched his jaw and tightened his fist around his tool box, and tried not to think about the fact that his face was definitely bright red. “Tell me, are you always this much of a raging dick, or is it just for me?” he asked, and his anger definitely shone through because, for a moment, Nursey actually looked surprised.

Of course, surprise wasn’t chill and the world would probably end if Derek Nurse wasn’t the most chill person in it, so the surprise disappeared moments later and all Nursey said was, “Bro, chill,” and, if anything, that only made things worse.

Dex didn’t know what to do or say, but he knew what he wanted to say and he was about to just go for it and tell Nursey to fuck off once and for all, when-

“Dex! Please tell me you’re here to look at Betsy- she made me burn two pies yesterday and I don’t want to speak ill of the elderly, but she’s just been so temperamental lately, and- Oh, Nursey!” Bitty stopped just inside the kitchen door, beside where Dex was still standing, and it was easy to see the exact moment he realized that something was off but, like any other passive aggressive Southerner in the world, he just pushed through it. “I am so sorry to keep both you boys waiting, but I’m glad y’all had each other to keep company with.”

Nursey was glaring at the table and Dex just cleared his throat, and Bitty narrowed his eyes but pushed through a moment later.

“Now, Dex. You’re sure you don’t mind looking at the oven?” he asked, and Dex decided to ignore Nursey entirely and focus on Bitty.

“It’s fine,” he said, and he meant it, even if his voice was still stiff and harsh. “But it’ll be easier if I don’t have people hovering over my shoulders the whole time- no offence, Bits.”

Bitty smiled and said, “None taken, hon- you just call me when you’re done so I can make you something for your troubles, alright?” and Dex nodded and that seemed to be enough for Bitty, because he turned to Nursey and asked, “Did you want to study in the sitting room, Nursey?” and Nursey barely had a chance to agree, before Bitty was heading out of the kitchen.

Of course, that meant that Nursey and Dex were alone again, and Dex wasn’t even surprised when Nursey’s expression turned back into a glare.

“You fix things?” he asked, and he sounded like that alone personally offended him.

“Yes?”

Nursey snorted and said something that sounded like, “Of course you do,” and then he added, “What, were you worried that I’d check you out the whole time?” and when Dex balked, Nursey went on. He eyed Dex up and down, before he said, “Because trust me when I say, that won’t be a problem,” and that-

That hurt, but before Dex could even begin to process it, Nursey was standing up and stalking out of the kitchen, and Dex was left alone with a malfunctioning oven.

Dex had the oven working in no time and, when that happened, he slid out the back of the haus. He ran into Ransom and Holster doing something that looked vaguely illegal and defintiely dangerous, but he waved off their concern and headed back to his dorm because, no matter how stubborn he was, sometimes going head to head with people just got exhausting.

The next time he ran into Nursey on campus, Dex kept his head down, but he could still feel Nursey’s glare and he hated that it was getting to him, but it was.

Because of that, when he got to class, he pulled out his phone and opened the hockey teams group message. He typed out the words, _‘could somebody please tell Derek Nurse that I’m way too gay to be homophobic?’_ and pressed send before he could think better of it.

 

 

//

 

 

Dex was leaving Annie’s the next time he ran into Nursey, and they quite literally ran into each other.

Dex was walking out the door and Nursey was walking in and, really, Dex had no idea how it happened, but one minute Dex had a cup of coffee in his hand and the next the coffee was covering the floor, and Derek Nurse’s entire body was pressed against his. Dex had his hands on Nursey’s forearms and Nursey was trying to catch his footing, and Dex let go the minute that he did.

Nursey was half way through apologizing, when he finally looked up and realized who he’d actually ran into and, when he did, he fell silent, and Dex was a bit too frustrated to care about what that meant.

“Dude, are you kidding me?” he asked, because he really didn’t buy himself coffee often and it was supposed to be a treat for finishing a project, but now it was on the ground and he was out of change.

For his part, all Nursey said was, “I’m- _fuck_ ,” and then he took in the puddle of coffee, before he said, “Let me buy you a knew one?” and Dex blinked.

Dex’s automatic reply was, “You don’t have to do that,” and, when he said that, Nursey blinked.

“Dude, I kind of do- I mean, I spilled yours, so it’s only polite and all,” he said, and Dex had to snort at that.

“Because you care so much about being polite?” he asked, and Nursey flinched a tiny bit and maybe Dex should have just taken the coffee and left it at that but, as always, his pride wouldn’t let him. “It’s fine, Nurse, whatever,” he said, and he was pushing his way past Nursey, just trying to get out of the store, when Nursey stepped in front of him.

“It’s really not,” he said, and then, “Look, I owe you an apology for- a lot of things, so just- let me buy you a coffee?”

Dex didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but the apology part caught him off guard, and he was still thinking it over when Nursey nudged him forward, back towards the counter where the girl working there was glaring at them.

“What were you drinking?” he asked, and Dex repeated his order- extra-large dark roast- and Derek added his- something with a long name that he wanted ‘dry,’ whatever the fuck that meant- and then he apologized for the spill and offered to clean it, and the employee waved him off but kept glaring until their order was filled.

Dex stood and watched the whole thing, and when he realized what the apology was probably about, he started to get nervous because, really, this was new territory.

He’d fought with Nursey, and he’d chirped Nursey, but he didn’t actually know how to have a normal conversation with Nursey, and the fact that Nursey’s closing remark from their last conversation was still dancing around in Dex’s mind really didn’t help matters.

Still, when he got his coffee and finished adding a drop of milk to it, he looked up to see that Nursey was now staring at him and that, most notably, Nursey looked just as nervous as he did.

“Did you- want to sit?” Nursey asked, and it sounded stilted and Dex really, really didn’t want to, but he found himself nodding anyways.

“Sure,” he said, and Nursey might have looked relieved, but it also might have been Dex’s imagination. “I’ve got class in half an hour, though,” he added, and Nursey nodded and headed for a table.

It was awkward to say the least, and the fact that Nursey started the conversation out with, “So, Shitty mentioned that you’re gay,” definitely didn’t help matters. He trailed off and let the words hang between them, and Dex just raised his eyebrows. “Um- Bitty and Ransom and Holster and Chowder and Lardo may have mentioned it as well?”

Nursey looked like he was sweating, and Dex decided to let him. “Did they?” he asked, and Nursey narrowed his eyes for a moment, before he pulled out his phone and started searching for something.

He held it out to Dex a moment later, and Dex felt himself start to blush when he saw what it was- a screenshot of the SMH group chat, with the words, _‘Could somebody please tell Derek Nurse that I’m way too gay to be homophobic?_ ’ clearly the focus.

“Johnson sent it to me,” Nursey said, and when Dex looked back up he saw that Nursey was looking back at Dex with an expression on his face that was incredibly hard to read. “Said something about playing his obligatory role in this narrative?”

“That sounds like Johnson,” Dex admitted, and if it came out stiff because he was embarrassed, than who really cared?

“The rest of the guys just made appointments to get massages and then spent the entire time dropping hints- except for Jack, actually. He just like, stuck his head in my office one day and said, ‘Dex is gay,’ and then left, so that was kind of startling.”

Dex had to smile despite himself. After he’d sent the message to the group chat, he’d avoided really giving anybody a straight answer about it, but it was nice to know that his teammates had his back anyways.

“That also sounds like Jack,” Dex said, and Nursey hummed and bit his lip. After a few moments of silence, Dex took a sip of his coffee and then asked, “Was that it, or…?” and Nursey narrowed his eyes.

“Just- you could have just told me that you aren’t straight, or whatever,” he said, and there was something accusatory in his tone that had Dex narrowing his eyes as well.

“And you could have just not assumed that I’m straight.”

“Dude. You’ve got a republican sticker on your computer and you literally ran away when you saw two dudes making out- what was I supposed to assume?”

Dex raised an eyebrow. Nursey didn’t look as flustered anymore, and he was speaking with confidence and, in a weird way, it was kind of comforting. “That my very republican family would disown me if I took the sticker off, and that, no matter how gay I am, I didn’t want to join your little orgy?”

Dex knew he’d made a mistake the second Nursey started to smirk and, when Nursey asked, “Not even a little?” Dex rolled his eyes to try and hide the truth.

“ _Dude_ ,” he said, and Nursey shrugged but he kept smirking. “You said something about an apology?”

Nursey’s smirk turned into something closer to a grimace, but he looked even less nervous now. He was back to being chill and it made Dex want to scream, but it also felt natural.

“I- yeah,” Nursey said after a moment, “It was shitty of my to assume that you’re homophobic and then to be a dick to you even though if you were homophobic you’d deserve it, but yeah- I’m sorry, bro.”

Dex wasn’t quite sure he wanted to let it go yet, so he pursed his lips for a moment before he said, “You should probably apologize to your boyfriend too,” and he hated that he sounded jealous, but Nursey didn’t seem to notice.

“My boyfriend?”

“Library guy?” Dex asked, eyebrows raised because, really, Nursey seemed  kind of spacey, but he also seemed to spend a lot of time with library guy which made sense if they were dating, so Dex just went on with, “I mean, even if you are dating, kissing him to piss me off was kind of a dick move.”

“Bro. I literally have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Dex rolled his eyes. “Call me old fashioned, but if you’re kissing somebody, shouldn’t it be about them? Not about pissing off some random asshole.”

Nursey blinked, and then a crooked grin started growing on his face and Dex started to feel like he was missing something, and Dex hated that feeling more than anything, so he rolled his eyes and said, “Whatever, dude, it’s your relationship,” and he really wanted that to end the conversation, but Nursey’s smile only grew.

“Actually, it really isn’t,” he said, and Dex had no idea what that meant, so he was glad when Nursey continued with, “Ryan and I are just friends."

“... Do you make out with all of your friends in the library?” Dex asked, and he was blushing and he hated it but he’d also accepted that, where Nursey was involved, he’d probably always be blushing, so he ignored it and just furrowed his brows.

Nursey shrugged and said, “Stress relief, you know?” and Dex nodded even though he really, really didn’t know.

“Whatever, dude,” he said, and then he glanced down at his phone and realized that he was almost late for class. He said as much out loud, and then he thanked Nursey for the coffee and added, “And- uh- you know, for the apology too,” to the end of it, just for good measure.

It got a smile from Nursey and a wave of his hand, and then they said their goodbyes and parted ways, and Dex spent the entire walk to class trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened.

When he checked his phone after class and saw that he had a Facebook friend request from Nursey, he accepted it without hesitating and tried not to overthink it.


	3. finals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how i managed to turn this chapter into almost 5k words but it just sort of happened, so i hope you enjoy!

Most of the time, Dex really did love playing hockey.

The adrenaline rush made him feel like he could do anything, and being a part of a team was one of the best feelings in the world and, when he was on the ice, things just seemed to come together. It made him feel good, and it made him feel in control, and it all just made sense.

It cleared his head and left him exhausted in the best possible way and, when they won, there wasn’t a better feeling.

Of course, when they lost, it wasn’t quite as great.

Dex was leaving Faber after a particularly bad game one night near the end of the semester, by himself with his headphones in, when he saw Nursey out of the corner of his eye and ducked his head immediately.

Talking to Nursey on a good day was always a bit much and, really, he didn’t think he could handle it at the moment.

When he realized that Nursey had likely just watched their loss Dex only felt worse and, when he turned his music up louder and shouldered his bad and tried to make an escape, he knew it wouldn’t really work and, when Nursey fell into step beside him and tried to catch Dex’s eye, he wasn’t even surprised.

He was, however, really not in the mood for it, so he kept walking and only took one headphone out.

“Dude. That was rough,” Nursey said, and Dex held himself back from snapping because, while they weren’t exactly on good terms, they definitely weren’t on bad terms either, and Dex wasn’t quite ready to ruin that by opening his mouth. “That hit you took in the second period? For a second there I thought they’d have to take you out on a stretcher.”

For a second during the game, Dex had thought the same. Of course, then he’d caught his breath and forced himself to sit up and he could do that, so his ribs definitely weren’t broken, so he’d skated through it. The check had been completely legal, and Dex had ignored the pain in his side for the rest of the game, and now he was growing a bruise that definitely wasn’t going to disappear any time soon, but he didn’t say any of that to Nursey.

Instead, he gritted his teeth and said, “It happens,” and really, really hoped they could leave it because, really, it did happen.

It was Dex’s job to hit people and, when he couldn’t do that, it was his job to get in the way of hits that were being directed at his team, so that’s what he did. He’d stopped Bitty from getting hit and Jack had actually thanked him for it and Dex was glad that he’d done it, and it was over so there was no point in dwelling on it.

“Still, bro,” Nursey said, and Dex let out a sharp sigh, but it wasn’t enough to deter the other boy who just went on with, “It looked rough,” and then he added, “You really should come by my office more, you know,” and Dex let himself be surprised by that for half a second, before he rolled his eyes, directed it at himself as much as at Nursey.

It was Nursey’s job to suggest that, he reminded himself, and out loud he just said, “I’ll pass.”

Nursey let out a huff that almost sounded frustrated and, when Dex spared a look at him, he saw that Nursey really did look kind of exasperated. Dex wanted to feel bad about it, but he was tired and Nursey was the one who’d started the conversation to begin with, and Nursey was the one who kept following  half a step behind him, even as they cleared the Faber parking lot and headed towards the dorms.

“You might be, like, the only person in the world who willingly passes up free massages on a daily basis,” he said, and at least that complaint wasn’t anything new. He’d heard as much from his teammates on more than one occasion, and he had his defense prepared.

“Is it that hard to believe that I don’t want a stranger rubbing their hands all over me?” he asked automatically, and normally Shitty brought up the few times he’d seen Dex making out with strangers at parties, or Jack pointed out that despite that massages had proven benefits for athletes, or Bitty mentioned that Nursey wouldn’t be a stranger if Dex just went to see him once and, it was when that thought crossed Dex’s mind, that Nursey’s silence started to make sense.

He glanced towards Nursey and saw the look frozen on his face, and it was enough to make Dex feel bad. It was like a mockery of his normal, chill expression- like he was desperately faking chill, and Dex hated it.

“Dude, I didn’t mean it like that,” Dex said quickly, and then added, “It’s just always made me uncomfortable, is all- it’s nothing against you,” and he wanted to nudge Nursey with his elbow, but his bruised side screamed at him when he tried to move that way.

“Whatever, dude- it’s chill,” Nursey said, and it sounded automatic and fake and Dex didn’t know what to do with it, so he just pushed on.

“Besides, my side’s going to be bruised for like, the next month, which’ll probably make getting massages a lot more painful than they’d normally be,” he said, and he was stammering to cover up his mistake and he kept looking at Nursey out of the corner of his eye, and Nursey just shrugged.

“Suit yourself, Pointdexter,” he said, and then he slowed down, so Dex did too. “I’m this way,” he said, nodding towards a set of dorms and taking a few backwards steps in their direction, “But I’ll see you around.”

Dex lifted a hand to wave it once in goodbye, and then he said, “Yeah- I’ll see you,” and then Nursey was turning on his heel and walking away, and Dex put his other headphone back in and started walking as well.

His music was still playing, so he turned it up loud enough to drown out the rest of the world, and he finished the walk back to his dorm by himself.

 

 

//

 

 

Dex went for a massage on the Tuesday after that game and, if you asked him why he went, he would tell you that his shoulders were tense and his neck was bothering him from studying too much, but that didn’t fool anybody.

He didn’t mention it to the team but they somehow found out about it anyways and, when that happened, they didn’t let him live it down. Bitty had a knowing smile on his face whenever he looked at Dex, and Ransom and Holster brought up Nursey in just about every conversation possible, and Shitty would randomly pat Dex on the back and say, “You’re a man now, kid,” and Dex just kept his head down and hoped that they’d grow tired of it eventually.

When he actually showed up at Nursey’s office on Tuesday, he hadn’t been planning on going so he hadn’t made an appointment and, the moment he walked in, he realized that he’d made a mistake, if only because it was very clear that Nursey wasn’t expecting anybody.

He was laying on the massage table with his face in the hole near the top, holding a book up to his face underneath the hole. Dex wanted to assume Nursey was reading the book, but he was also making a noise that sounded suspiciously like a drawn out, ‘ _fuck this,’_ so Dex kind of doubted that any reading was actually happening.

For his part, Dex stood in the doorway for a moment too long, before he cleared his throat.

Nursey’s head shot up and looked panicked for half a second, before his eyes landed on Dex and he relaxed. “Dude, I thought you were my supervisor,” he said, and then he dropped his face back into the hole and let his arms hang limply off the table and, from an objective point of view, he looked like he’d given up on something.

Dex didn’t really know what to do, because this was yet another version of Nursey that he hadn’t seen. Still, the silence grew awkward too quickly and Dex knew that he had to fill it, so he ended up asking, “Uh- are you okay?” and he got another long groan in response.

“I’m never going to be okay again,” Nursey said and, really, he sounded like he was whining, and Dex blinked to try and process that, but Nursey just kept on going with, “This assignment is terrible and I’ve given up and I’m going to drop out of school and spend the rest of my life backpacking across the world and it’s going to be great because I’ll never have to see my stupid prof and her stupid assignment again.”

Dex considered telling Nursey to chill for half a second, before he talked himself out of it. Even in the middle of what appeared to be a finals induced midlife crisis, Nursey was more chill than Dex had ever been, and it was a little bit eerie.

His voice had been reduced to a monotone and his entire body was limp and Dex was pretty sure that, if he could see Nursey’s face, the expression on it would be blank, and he sounded like all of the life had been drained out of him, but he also sounded like he didn’t care at all. Nursey was taking it in stride, and he’d accepted it,  but Dex didn’t think that he’d be able to do the same because, really, this version of Nursey was sad.

Because of that he ended up saying, “Come on man, it can’t be that bad,” and Nursey started to make a noise of protest that Dex ignored entirely and then he asked, “What do you have to do?”

“Blasphemy,” Nursey replied immediately, “What I have to do is blasphemy,” and he said it with enough conviction that it threw Dex for a loop, but then Nursey actually went on and explained the assignment, saying, “I have to write a paper arguing that On the Road is the greatest American novel of all time, but On the Road is the most bullshit piece of overdone, angsty, fake deep garbage that this world has ever seen.”

Dex blinked. “That’s by… Jack Kerouac?” he asked, racking his mind for everything he knew on the topic and coming up almost completely blank. He was pretty sure he’d seen the book on his little sisters shelf, but that was about it.

“Jack _motherfucking_ Kerouac,” Nursey confirmed, though he raised his voice and it could almost be considered a shout, and Dex thought that might be a good sign, but then Nursey threw the book in question half-heartedly across the room and Dex was forced to reconsider his assessment.

“So, I take it you don’t like Jack Kerouac?” Dex asked, mostly just to bide time before he thought of something better to say, because it seemed like Nursey needed help and Dex wanted to help him, but he really, really didn’t know anything about the topic at hand.

Still, the question was enough to get Nursey to lift his head again, and then he launched into a spiel that touched on how the book was racist and misogynistic and about a million other things, and it all sounded a lot like something Shitty would rant about, and Dex only half listened. By the time Nursey was done, he’d let his face fall back into the hole and he let out a long, exasperated sigh, and Dex had an idea eating away at the back of his mind and he figured that it couldn’t hurt to suggest it, so-

“Do you actually have to argue that the novel is good?” he asked, and the room was quiet and he felt like an idiot and he definitely didn’t know what he was talking about, so he went on before Nursey could actually respond. “Or like, do you just have to argue that it’s a Great American Novel? Because if you just have to argue that it’s a Great American Novel, you could, like, pretty easily point out that the problematic areas of America are reflected in it and that they’re disguised by the pretense of the American dream, or something?”

Nursey lifted his head half way through Dex’s explanation and he was openly staring at Dex and Dex didn’t know what to make of it, but he felt stupider than he ever had.

He hadn’t taken English in ages and he’d never been great at it to begin with, and he should have just offered sympathy and then moved on, but now his face was bright red and he just kept standing there, until Nursey said, “That’s literally the best idea I’ve ever heard,” and then added in a whisper, “Holy fuck, how did I not think of that?”

Nursey’s look had transformed into something close to awe and, if anything, it only made Dex more uncomfortable, so he shrugged and asked, “Why are you taking an English course anyways? … You are in sports med, right?”

“I’m minoring in English,” Nursey said, and then added, “Seriously though, dude, I’ve been stuck on this paper all week- you literally just like, saved my life,” and Dex waved a hand through the air to brush him off, at which point Nursey asked, “What are you studying, anyways?”

“Mechanical Engineering,” Dex said, and Nursey let out a low whistle.

“Damn, Pointdexter,” he said, “Your entire team came out to me on behalf of you, but they all failed to mention that you’re a huge nerd,” and Dex didn’t want to blush but he really, really couldn’t control it, and Nursey definitely noticed because his smirk grew.

“Yeah, well, I’m a nerd who’s going to have a job once I get out of school,” he said, and he tried his best to make it sound like a chirp and he was pretty sure he succeeded because Nursey’s grin didn’t falter at all.

He just said, “I don’t know what you’re implying, but I’ll have you know that sports med students are very employable,” and Dex rolled his eyes.

“I came here for a massage twenty minutes ago, and instead I ended up planning a paper for you. Good luck with that,” he said, and it was definitely came across as a chirp, and Dex definitely didn’t enjoy the way that Nursey’s eyes lit up because of it.

“I thought you weren’t interested in strangers rubbing their hands all over you?” Nursey asked, and Dex fought the urge to roll his eyes again.

“You’re not exactly a stranger,” Dex said, and that sounded a bit too sentimental for his liking, so he added, “I mean, I did just plan a paper for you,” but Nursey was still grinning and it was a bit unnerving.

“So you don’t mind me rubbing my hands all over you?” he asked, and Dex’s mind went blank for half a second because, really.

There was a thin line between chirping and flirting and most people on his team had a tendency to cross that line on a daily basis, but Dex didn’t. Dex stayed firmly on the side of chirping because he tried his best not to be _that_ guy, but Nursey was making it ridiculously hard.

Nursey was egging him on and, if Dex didn’t know any better, he would assume that Nursey was flirting with him but, as it was, he just swallowed down the lump in his throat and said, “Dude, you’re the one who thinks I need it,” and hoped that they could leave it at that.

Nursey was still smirking and he looked way too pleased with himself as he clamoured off the massage table, and it was probably because of that, that Dex really didn’t feel bad when Nursey tripped and almost toppled over.

He was a bit annoyed because of how adorable Nursey managed to make the whole thing look, but that was beside the point.

The massage itself was relatively uneventful.

Nursey marvelled at the bruise on Dex’s side, and he talked a bit more about his paper while he worked on Dex’s back, carefully avoiding the bruise, and Dex found himself enjoying it a lot more than he had the last time. It was nice, but he also wasn’t ready to admit that, because then he’d be admitting that Nursey was right and he was wrong and he was a bit too stubborn to do that, but still.

He enjoyed himself, and he enjoyed spending time with Nursey, and there were a few more times where he was almost positive that Nursey was flirting with him, and at first Dex did his best to shut those down, but after a while he got tired of that and just went with it because, really. The world wasn’t going to end if he flirted with Derek Nurse.

 

 

//

 

 

Their next hockey game went a lot better than the previous one, and it was also the last game before the winter break.

They played against a school that was even smaller than theirs, and they scored goals easily and frequently and, while Dex didn’t score any himself, he did manage to get three assists and, in a way, that was even better. He got to watch his team celebrate, and he got pulled into the celebrations, but he wasn’t the focus of them.

It was nice, and the entire team left the ice in high spirits, and that continued well into the Haus party afterwards.

Finals were over and everybody was ready to let off steam before they went home for break and, really, it showed. The Haus was packed, and everybody seemed to have a cup of something in their hands, and whoever was controlling the music was doing a great job.

Still, Dex had a bus home to be on the next morning, and he liked himself a bit too much to willingly do that with a hangover, so he stuck with beer and drank it slowly, enjoying the party around him but not really joining in.

He talked to Chowder for a while, and then he got roped into playing beer pong with Lardo, and he begged off doing the keg stand that Holster and Ransom wanted him to do, and it was when he was escaping from that, that he ran into Nursey.

He was on the couch curled up in the corner, holding a red solo cup like it was a life raft. He wasn’t doing anything or talking to anybody, but there was a line in the middle of his forehead that told Dex he wasn’t happy, and his eyes were a bit too unfocused for him to have been sober.

He looked out of place and a little bit lonely, and Dex didn’t really know what he was doing, but he sat down beside Nursey anyways, a bit closer than he would have liked, but really. He would much rather be touching Nursey than the couple making out beside him, so it was a sacrifice that had to be made.

Dex was about to open his mouth to say something, though he wasn’t quite sure what, when he heard a loud voice yelling, “POINTDEXTER, YOU’RE ON NURSEY DUTY TONIGHT AND YOUR ASSIGNMENT IS NON-NEGOTIABLE,” and he turned just in time to see Shitty pointing at him, disappearing out the door, with Lardo smirking by his side.

When Dex turned back to Nursey, Nursey was looking up at him. “That’s shitty,” Nursey said and then, realizing the double meaning in the words, he started to laugh harder than Dex had ever seen him.

Dex blinked, and realized that Nursey was definitely a lot more drunk than he’d expected.

“Dude, really?” he asked, and Nursey’s laughing turned to giggles but it didn’t go away, and Dex really didn’t mind it. Nursey laughing was a huge improvement from whatever he’d been doing before Dex sat down, so Dex would take it.

His laughter only really stopped when his phone vibrated on his lap, and Nursey turned it on and frowned almost immediately. It seemed like he reread it a couple of times, before he let out a huff and dropped it back into his lap.

“Everything okay?” Dex asked, and Nursey just handed him the phone without a word.

Dex realized what was going on the second he read the message, and he couldn’t stop himself from wincing. It was from Ryan and it read, _‘we’ve been making out for a month, and you’re really too clueless to see how you’ve been leading me on?’_ and there were other messages further up that read _, ‘fuck you, nurse,’_ and _‘I don’t even know why I’m surprised at this point,’_ and another one came in while Dex was holding the phone that read, _‘whatever, man, just don’t think we’re actually friends anymore,’_ and Dex turned the phone off before Nursey could read that one.

It was more than Dex felt like he should know about Nursey, but he also wasn’t going to forget it and, strangely enough, most of his sympathy went towards Ryan, because it was easy to imagine himself in Ryan’s shoes.

Still, Ryan wasn’t around and Ryan kind of seemed like a dick, so Dex said as much, and it got a snort from Nursey.

“He’s not, really,” he said, and Dex rolled his eyes, even as Nursey went on with, “He’s just being one right now but like, whatever. It’s chill. He knows I don’t do relationships or whatever but like, whatever, ya know?”

Dex couldn’t help but roll his eyes, because _of course_ Nursey was the type who didn’t do relationships.

“Is this you trying to be chill?” Dex asked, and Nursey lifted his head to glare, but he looked like he gave up halfway through and just dropped it back onto the couch.

“This _is_ me being chill, bro. I am literally chill constantly all of the time always,” he said, and the words were definitely slurred and Dex kind of hated Shitty for putting him on Nursey Duty, because he realized that he hated seeing Nursey like this, and he knew what he had to do.

Dex let out a long breath of air, before he stood up. He was pretty sure that he heard Nursey protest and he was pretty sure that Nursey said something along the lines of, _‘No, don’t leave,’_ and Dex hadn’t been planning on leaving, but that pulled at his heart anyways.

Still, he stood up and turned back to Nursey, and then he held out a hand. “Come on, Nurse, let’s get you home,” he said, and Nursey narrowed his eyes and looked like he was trying to decipher a code.

Eventually he said, “Dude,” like it was the most important word in the world, and then, with an equal amount of grandeur, said, “The party is _here_ ,” and Dex snorted.

“ _Dude_ , that’s part of the problem,” Dex said, and then he shook his hand in the air and said, “Let’s go,” and Nursey grabbed on and let himself be pulled up, though he stumbled and ended up almost completely pressed against Dex.

That was some sort of torture in and of itself, but Dex gritted his teeth and didn’t say anything.

Instead, he rearranged them slightly, so that Nursey was leaning on his side with an arm around his shoulders, and Dex got an arm around Nursey’s waist, and walking like that would be easy enough, so Dex just said, “Come on,” and lead Nursey towards the door.

They almost made it out of the Haus without spectacle, but Dex heard a loud whistle at the last moment and turned to see Holster with a shit eating grin on his face, and Ransom wiggling his eyebrows.

Dex just glared at the pair of them and continued ushering Nursey outside and, soon enough, they were walking back to the dorms, and Nursey was making himself at home, leaning almost all of his weight on Dex’s side.

When Dex muttered, “This is my work out for the day, then,” he was pretty sure that Nursey just leaned closer and, really, Dex couldn’t bring himself to be upset.

He kept a glare on his face and he directed it at anybody they passed, and he rolled his eyes almost every time Nursey said something, and he focused all of his attention on being as exasperated and disgruntled as he always was because, if he could do that, then he could almost pretend that he didn’t have a huge crush on the idiot he was currently babysitting.

They got to the dorms eventually, and getting in was easy enough. The security guard took one look at Nursey, half asleep and draped across Dex, and sent Dex a sympathetic look before he swiped them in.

Once they were through the gates, Nursey pointed towards the elevator, so that’s where they went, and then the doors opened and Nursey pressed the button for the eighth floor, and then he fell back against Dex again, this time without holding back.

Dex let out a surprised huff, and ended up saying, “Fucking hell,” and, once again, Nursey just leaned closer.

“You like me,” he muttered, with his face pressed into Dex’s shoulder and his arms hugging his own body, and it took all of Dex’s strength to not agree with him.

Instead, he snorted again and said, “You’re drunk,” and he felt Nursey shrug.

The fact that Nursey was close enough for Dex to feel that was a problem that Dex decided to continue ignoring.

The floor was quiet when they got there, and Nursey only fumbled with his keys slightly before he got them out of his pocket and managed to open the door. When that happened, Nursey headed straight for his bed and flopped onto it face first, with a loud groan.

Dex hovered in the door for a moment, before he realized that he should probably do at least a little bit more to help Nursey, so he slipped inside and closed the door behind him, and asked, “Dude, are you just going to sleep like that?”

He got a groan in response, and then Nursey said something that sounded suspiciously like, “I’m drunk,” and he definitely wasn’t wrong about that, and Dex rolled his eyes.

He walked towards the bed and said, “I’m going to take your shoes off you, okay?” and Nursey’s response wasn’t intelligible at all. “Was that a yes or a no?” Dex tried, and the response he got wasn’t entirely clear but it was definitely a yes, so Dex got to work untying them and then sliding them off.

He was working on untying the laces of the second one, when Nursey muttered, "Not my pants," and Dex paused and looked up to see Nursey frowning. He added something that sort of sounded like, "Leave my legs, 'kay?" and Dex didn't know what to do with that, but he hadn't been planning on touching Nursey's pants at all, so-

"I wasn't going to touch them, dude," he said, and Nursey nodded and then let his head drop back down to his pillow.

Dex thought about the whole thing for half a second, before he wrote it off as some weird drunk request, which was also kind of fair because, really. Nobody wanted to be undressed by some random guy while they were too drunk to do it themselves.

After that, Dex grabbed a blanket that had been scrunched up at the end of the bed, shook it out, and then laid it out across Nursey. It didn’t quite cover his feet, and Dex was adamantly  _not_ thinking about how endearing the whole thing looked.

Instead, he asked, “Where’s your phone?” and it took a minute, but Nursey wrestled it out of his pocket, and then threw it in what could vaguely be considered Dex’s direction, and Dex had to scramble to catch it.

Dex ignored the messages from Ryan that had piled up, and put his own phone number into it, before he found a charger and plugged it into the wall. “Text me in the morning, alright?” Dex asked, and he almost sounded concerned so he added, “I really don’t need your death on my conscience,” and he was pretty sure that Nursey didn’t notice or care, and he told himself that that was fine.

He filled a water bottle next, and found some Advil as well and, by the time he was dropping those on the nightstand, Nursey was definitely asleep. His breathing was even and his face was relaxed and he looked peaceful and, in a weird sort of way, that seemed to be the opposite of chill.

Dex was pretty sure he liked peaceful better than chill, but he told himself not to dwell on it and not to be weird and, it was with that in mind that he let himself out of the room and headed for his own.


	4. xmas etc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **one of dex's brothers makes homophobic comments in the last part of this chapter so if you don't want to read that, stop at "Christmas day was nice"
> 
> ALSO i haven't reallllllly edited this all that well yet so like.. be forgiving?

Dex got on a bus at seven o’clock the next morning, and he felt like he was being shipped away to war.

He knew that he was being overdramatic and that he was supposed to be excited, and a part of him was, but mostly he was filled with a tense sort of nervousness that he knew he wasn’t going to shake. It was going to sit under his skin and stick with him the whole time he was home, and it was going to make him feel gross and itchy and completely on edge, and there was nothing he could do about it, and the worst part of it was, was that he was used to it.

It felt like he was putting on an old sweater that didn’t quite fit, but it felt like he would freeze without it.

It wasn’t something that he liked to talk about or think about or deal with at all, but now he was going home, so he had to.

Christmas meant that he’d see his whole family, and it meant that his mom’s face would fall when he told her that he didn’t have a girlfriend, and it meant that his uncles would make fun of him for being in college at all, and it meant that his brothers would use every opportunity possible to get a rise out of him and, when they eventually succeeded, it would mean that Dex was the one who was blamed for being mad.

Dex knew what he was walking into, and he also knew that he didn’t have a choice.

Going home for Christmas was what people did, and it was what he was doing, and family was always difficult, but you put up with them because that was also just what people did.

In a way, that made it easier, so he clung onto it.

He told himself that nobody really liked their families anyways, and he told himself that his mom would be happy to see him no matter what, and he told himself that it was normal to feel the way he did, and he told himself that he was going to be fine.

His shoulders were tense and his neck was cramping and the old lady sitting beside him on the bus glared at him every time he tried to move and he wasn’t even home yet and he already wanted to scream, but he was fine.

He was fine and he was calm and nothing was wrong, but when his phone vibrated in his pocket, he still almost jumped out of his skin.

He was expecting it to be his mom, asking what he wanted for dinner, or Bitty, forcing optimism and telling him that they’d both be back at Samwell soon enough, but instead he got a string of barely coherent texts from an unknown number, and it took a moment for him to realize what was going on.

The first one read, _ ‘yo so I ended up getting a 93 on my paper about on the road,’ _ and it was followed by, _ ‘so like thanks for that,’ _ and then,  _ ‘and also thanks for last night,’ ‘like tbh I don’t really remember talking to you or anything but like,’ ‘your number’s in my phone and shitty says you walked me home so like,’ ‘thanks for that,’ ‘it was cool of you,’ ‘like,’ ‘ I totally would have made it by myself and I probably would have survived,’ ‘but like,’ ‘thanks anyways,’  _ and Dex had to read them over three times before he understood it all completely.

When that happened, he added the number to his phone as ‘Derek Fucking Nurse’ and then replied with,  _ ‘Dude, aren’t you an English minor?’  _ and he was surprised by how quickly a response came.

_ ‘.. ya?’ _

_ ‘.. why?’ _

Dex rolled his eyes and typed out,  _ ‘You text like my twelve year old sister,’  _ and then he added,  _ ‘But don’t tell her I said that; she’d probably be offended,’ _ and maybe it was harsh, but he was pretty sure Nursey would read it as a chirp.

Nursey’s first text read,  _ ‘dude _ ,’ and it was quickly followed by,  _ ‘bro _ ,’ and then by,  _ ‘buddy _ ,’ and then one more text that read,  _ ‘chill _ ,’ and Dex snorted.

It got him a glare from the old lady beside him and, if anybody asked, Dex would deny being amused by Nursey but, as it was, he was surrounded by strangers and texting Nursey was the only thing keeping him from thinking about his family, so Dex just smiled slightly and replied with,  _ ‘The hangover’s going well, then? _ ’

Almost as soon as Dex sent it, the typing icon appeared on the screen, so he didn’t bother closing his phone and, moments later, a response appeared saying,  _ ‘shhh,’  _ and then, ‘ _ if i don’t acknowledge the hangover it’ll go away,’  _ and Dex couldn’t help but roll his eyes again.

_ ‘Are you sure you aren’t thinking of bears?’  _ he asked, and then added,  _ ‘Or birds of prey?’ _ and then,  _ ‘Or dinosaurs?’ _ and he figured that Nursey got his point after that, because Dex saw that he’d started typing something.

His reply read,  _ ‘you’re such a nerd,’ _ and, when Dex read it, he heard it in Nursey’s voice and he was pretty sure that it was affectionate. A few moments later another message appeared, reading,  _ ‘thanks for the advil too, btw,’ _ and Dex almost melted.

Of course, all he actually replied with was, _ ‘Holy fuck, did you actually just say ‘btw’?’ _ because, really.

Of course he did.

Of course Derek Nurse used acronyms when he texted, and of course he didn’t care about grammar at all, and of course he was too chill to ever actually use a period, and of course it was ridiculously endearing in the most unfair way possible.

Nursey ending up replying moments later with  _ ‘… so?’ _ and Dex rolled his eyes at his phone and said, ‘ _ You’re ridiculous,’  _ and Nursey said,  _ ‘you still love me,’  _ and Dex tried not to think of whether or not Nursey was quoting himself from the night before and, somehow, their conversation kept going from there. 

Dex said,  _ ‘Whatever, man,’  _ and Nursey sent a happy face and then asked what Dex was up to today, and Dex told Nursey that he was going home, and that only lead to more questions.

Normally, Dex didn’t talk much, and he almost never talked about himself but, when the questions were coming in the form of texts from Nursey, it was almost easy to answer them.

It was easy to forget that Nursey was out of his league, and that him and Nursey almost never got along, and that there was no real reason for Nursey to be asking so many questions but, most importantly, it was easy for Dex to forget that he was going home.

When he was focusing his attention on Nursey, it was easy to forget how nervous he was, and it was easy to forget how shitty the holidays would likely be, and it was easy to forget what Dex was walking into so, just for a little while, he let himself forget.

He told Nursey about how many instruments his little sister played, and about the truck that Dex was repairing and assembling for himself, and he told him about his mom’s potato salad and his grandma’s apple pie, and he tried his best to brush over the things that weren’t as nice, but he had a feeling that Nursey would have understood them anyways.

It made him feel better but, when he looked out the window and realized just how familiar the scenery was becoming, reality hit him with a thud, and he started counting down the minutes until he was home.

Soon after that, Nursey had to catch a plane but, when Dex said goodbye, Nursey replied with,  _ ‘talk to you later,’ _ and, for just a moment, that actually made Dex feel better, and he really, really didn’t want to think about what that meant.

 

 

//

 

 

Dex’s mother was waiting for him at the bus station, and she was the first person that Dex saw when he got off the bus. She was smiling widely and waving frantically and she was standing on her toes to see him through the crowd and, for a moment, all of Dex’s nerves disappeared.

For a moment, it felt good to be home.

He pushed his way through the crowd and when he was close enough he said, “Hey mom,” and she said, “Oh, you, come here,” and she was at least a foot and a half shorter than him so the hug was a bit awkward, but it was nice anyways. Dex felt like an overgrown kid and, at least in that moment, he didn’t entirely mind it.

He realized with a start that, despite the animosity he felt towards his family, he’d missed them, and he didn’t really know what to do with that, so he just hugged his mother a little bit tighter, until she swatted him away.

“You just won’t stop growing, will you?” she asked with a laugh that sounded a bit watery, and Dex smiled at the familiarity of the question.

“I’m pretty sure I haven’t actually grown since tenth grade,” he pointed out, and she shook her head.

“You haven’t been back five minutes and you’re already sassing me, Will,” she said, and it sounded like a joke but Dex smiled sheepishly anyways. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been called Will, and he wasn’t entirely sure that he liked doing back to it, but he also didn’t think he had a choice, so he just let it be. “If you’re father could see you now,” his mom added, and Dex froze for half a second, before she cleared her throat and shook her head and said, “Come on now, Nicole’s in the car and she- well. You’ll see her in a moment, I suppose.”

Dex’s brow furrowed and he wanted to ask what she meant by that, but then she had a hand on his elbow and she was leading him towards the car and, soon enough, he saw for himself because, well.

Dex didn’t exactly love his red hair, but he’d grown to accept it over the years. It ran in his family, and it wasn’t something that he could really control anyways, and he’d never really thought to do anything about it, but apparently Nicole didn’t feel the same way, because she was sitting in the back of their mom's car, with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face and hair that was dyed a dark brown.

Dex blinked to cover his surprise, but Nicole caught it and raised an eyebrow.

“Problem?” she asked, and Dex was quick to shake his head.

“It looks good?” he tried, but apparently it wasn’t the right thing to say, because she rolled her eyes and turned to look out the window.

Getting into the driver’s seat beside him, Dex’s mom rolled her eyes. “Oh, just ignore her,” she said, and Dex winced internally as she continued with, “She’s too cool for us now, you know.”

Dex considered turning in his seat and asking Nicole about school or band practice or, really, anything, but he decided against it when he realized that he didn’t actually know what was going on in her life, because he hadn’t talked to her in ages.

During his first few weeks at school, he’d texted her sporadically and she’d texted back, but then he’d gotten busy with hockey and midterms and classes, and he’d just sort of forgotten.

He talked to his mom every Sunday, and he’d never planned on keeping in contact with his older brothers, but he sort of felt like he’d failed Nicole and he didn’t know what to do with that, so he just asked his mom about their plans for the holidays and hoped that Nicole appreciated the change in subject.

 

 

//

 

 

Dex checked his phone a few hours later, and he was surprised to see that there w as a message from Nursey waiting for him.

It read, _ ‘I survived the plane ride btw,’  _ and it was generic enough that it probably didn’t mean anything, but the fact that Nursey had sent it made Dex feel warm inside.

It felt like an olive branch, so Dex replied, asking,  _ ‘Where were you flying to?’ _ and then he dropped his phone onto his lap under the table.

He was sitting beside Nicole and her face was buried in her phone, so he figured that he wouldn’t get in trouble for texting, but he also really didn’t want his brothers to notice, because he knew what they would say.

Most of the time, he could handle their teasing and tormenting, but he’d been on a bus all day and he was tired and, really, even if he could deal with them, he’d rather not.

As it was, they were talking animatedly about Starbucks’ red cups and the downfall of America, and they really didn’t seem to have time for Dex.

Ben had tackled him into a hug when he’d gotten home, and Kyle had nodded and said, “I’m surprised you bothered coming back, with how happy you were to leave and all,” but he smiled when he said it, so Dex did his best to not take it maliciously, and that had been that.

Their mom was running around the kitchen, tossing a salad while a casserole finished cooking, and Ben and Kyle were drinking beer while Dex and Nicole had orange juice, and he was pretty sure that he’d seen Nicole roll her eyes more than once, and it felt like nothing had changed at all, and that was kind of a scary thought, so the text from Nursey had brought Dex a lot more relief than he’d expected.

It was a reminder that Dex had a life outside of this, and it was a reminder that Dex had people waiting for him.

Still, when a response came, saying,  _ ‘new york,’ _ and then, _ ‘home for the holidays,’  _ and then,  _ ‘#party,’ _ Dex had to roll his eyes.

_ ‘Did you really just say #party?’ _ he asked and, really, he should have expected it, but when he got a reply from Nursey that read nothing but  _ ‘#yes,’  _ he made the mistake of laughing under his breath, and it definitely caught his brothers attention, because they fell silent.

“Something funny, Will?” Kyle asked, and he sounded casual but he also kind of sounded like a loaded gun.

Dex shook his head and said, “Just something my friend said,” and he saw the way that Ben’s eyebrow raised, so he knew what to expect.

“Girlfriend, by any chance?” Ben asked, and Dex ignored the way his chest was tightening up and told himself to count to five before he answered, and he was halfway into that, when- “Dude, he’s blushing- it is a girlfriend!” Ben exclaimed, and he said it loud enough that their mom would definitely hear, which really only made things worse, so this time Dex didn’t wait at all.

He said, “I don’t have a girlfriend,” quickly, and then added, “It’s just some guys from the team,” and he swallowed down the lump in his throat, and he was pretty sure that his voice didn’t give anything away, because Ben’s face fell pretty quickly, while a familiar grin appeared on Kyle’s face.

“Should have known, I guess,” he said, and Dex wanted to bring up every failed relationship that Kyle had ever been in, but he also knew that he wouldn’t win that fight, so he just bit his lip and stayed quiet.

Their mom brought out the food soon after, and Dex waited until he was in his room, getting ready for bed that night, before he texted Nursey back, and when he didn’t get a reply back that night, he figured that that would be the end of it, and he tried not to feel disappointed.

 

 

//

 

 

As it turned out, Dex was wrong to think that him and Nursey were done texting.

He assumed that the _ ‘good morning,’ _ he got the next day was a fluke, but he replied anyways and he got a response within the minute. Somehow, it launched them into a debate over whether or not Dex was buying into capitalism by going Christmas shopping, and the debate lasted the entire day.

The same thing happened the next day, and the next day, and the next day.

The conversations grew and the topics changed but, no matter what, Dex found himself texting Nursey more than he’d ever texted anybody before, and he found himself enjoying it.

He also found himself using Nursey as a lifeline, connecting himself to his life at Samwell and reminding himself that he wasn’t going to be home forever. When he thought about that, it scared him, but he didn’t really know what to do about it, so he just let it be and, while Nursey was normally the one who started their conversations, Dex started taking over on that front.

He sent Nursey a video from Nicole’s Christmas concert at school and, when his grandpa said something particularly terrible, he texted Nursey about it immediately, and he found himself wanting to tell Nursey about the nicer things too.

On Christmas Eve, Dex sent Nursey a picture of himself and Nicole in matching Christmas sweaters, with Nicole actually scowling, and Dex doing his best to imitate the glare. Really, it wasn’t hard.

They were at their grandparents house, and there were cousins and aunts and uncles everywhere and, in a sea of red hair and freckles, Dex found that Nicole’s brown hair was refreshing. He’d told her as much and she’d rolled her eyes again, but this time she’d also stuck close to his side, while they’d hoarded food onto their plates and then found a corner in the basement to sit in and play on their phones while they pretended to supervise the younger kids.

Really, he didn’t mind the kids. As long as he stayed away from his brothers and uncles and everybody else with their prying questions and disapproving glared, he’d be fine.

He got a reply from Nursey as quickly as he always did, and he had to hold himself back from taking a screenshot when he saw that the picture was also a selfie, and that Nursey was in a suit and tie, and looking gorgeous. He was also frowning excessively and he’d captioned it, _ ‘am I a Pointdexter™ now?’  _

Dex ignored the caption and sent back a picture of the floor in front of him, captioning it,  _ ‘Dude, where the fuck are you?’  _ and he ignored the sidelong glances that Nicole was sending him.

She’d never really been one to question him, so he doubted that she would start now.

A few moments later, he got a series of pictures from Nursey, and Dex told himself not to be disappointed by the fact that Nursey’s face wasn’t featured in any of them.

Instead, there was a picture of a giant Christmas tree, and then a picture of a tower of champagne flutes, and then a picture of a giant snowman that somehow looked elegant, and then a picture of a dance floor filled with people dressed in ball gowns and tuxes, and then a final picture of another Christmas tree, and this one was captioned,  _ ‘ultimate xmas party,’  _ and, really.

In comparison to the Christmas party that Dex was at, that was the understatement of the year, but he tried not to let that bother him and asked, _ ‘I thought you said your family doesn’t celebrate Christmas?’ _ in reply.

The next message Nursey sent was a chat that read, ‘w _ e don’t,’  _ and then three pictures followed quickly.

The first was of a woman in a floor length black dress, looking like she was holding court with a group of men, all of whom seemed to be holding onto her every word. It was captioned, _ ‘but mama nurse has got business to do,’  _ and the second picture was almost the exact same, except it featured a man who looked a lot like Nursey and it was captioned,  _ ‘and papa nurse has got schmoozing to do,’  _ and the third picture was another selfie, featuring Nursey’s face and a glass of champagne, and a caption that read, _ ‘and nursey nurse has got drinking to do.’ _

For a moment, Dex considered sending back a picture of the juice box he was drinking and the two that he’d already finished, and captioning it, _ ‘same,’  _ but he decided against it, and ended up just sending a chat and asking,  _ ‘And how much drinking have you already done?’ _

Nursey replied a moment later, saying, _‘not nearly enough to deal with this shit,’_ and Dex knew that he should be sympathetic, but really.

The party looked ten times nicer than anything Dex had ever been to and would probably ever go to and he was fine with it, but he could also only handle so much self-pity on Nursey’s part before he snapped.

He was about to say something along those lines, when another message came and, and Dex practically melted when he read the words,  _ ‘it’d be better if you were here though.’ _

Dex couldn’t bring himself to make a joke out of that and, for half a second, he considered ignoring it altogether, but then he just bit his lip and took a picture of his cousins running around the basement, playing a game that Dex had given up trying to understand, and he captioned it,  _ ‘I could say the same thing,’  _ and he sent it before he could think better of it, and then he waited.

He saw when Nursey opened it, and he saw when Nursey replayed it, and he kept waiting but he didn’t get a reply so, a few minutes later, Dex turned off his phone and looked around for a distraction.

Beside him, Nicole was glaring fiercely at her phone, so Dex elbowed her gently and asked, “What’s up?”

She kept glaring, but she also surprised Dex by turning the phone slightly so that he could see it too. “Candy Crush,” she said, and then added, “I’ve been stuck on this level for a week,” and Dex raised an eyebrow.

“Can I try?” he asked, and she rolled her eyes but handed the phone over and, when Dex beat the level on his first try, she just rolled her eyes again.

She also took her phone back but, when she started playing the next level, she held the screen so that he could see it too and, even when Dex’s phone lit up with another snapchat from Nursey a while later, he opted to ignore it and focus on his little sister, because he figured that sometimes that’s what family did.

By the time he got home that night, Dex had gotten at least a dozen pictures from Nursey, and he ended up opening them just before he went to bed.

The first one was kind of blurry, but it was clear enough for Dex to recognize that is was a picture of Nursey and Shitty, and the caption read,  _ ‘holy fuck look who I found,’  _ and then there was another similar one captioned,  _ ‘idk what xmas miracles are but does this count as one???’  _ and then there were a million more, all detailing what, exactly, Nursey and Shitty ended up doing for the rest of the evening, and Dex ended the story with a smile on his face because, despite the fact that Nursey had found something better to do, he’d thought of Dex anyways.

Dex ended up sending Nursey another message that read, _ ‘Good night,’ _ and his smile only grew when he got a, _ ‘Good night,’  _ back a few moments later.

  
  


//

  
  


Christmas day was nice, if uneventful, and so was the rest of the holiday.

The only thing close to a problem arose the day before Dex left, when his phone buzzed with a text from Nursey, and Kyle got to it before Dex did.

They were sitting on the couch, watching the world juniors, and that by itself was surprising, because it was possibly the first time Dex had ever seen Kyle show any interest in hockey. He asked the occasional question and every once in a while he made fun of it, but it was definitely a start and it was far more than Dex was used to, and he let himself get excited.

He let himself think that, maybe, going away had been good and, maybe, his brothers weren’t always dicks and, maybe, he could grow closer to them.

Because of that, Dex didn’t register the fact that Kyle was frowning at his phones screen for a moment and, when he did, he was hit with a sense of panic that was all too familiar, and he could only really blame himself, because he’d let himself get comfortable.

Still, Kyle handed him the phone and asked, “Derek Nurse?” with a raised eyebrow, and then added, “Is that who you’ve been texting this whole time?” and he didn’t sound accusatory, but he did sound a bit uncomfortable.

“Uh-” Dex said, because it was all he could form in his mind, and he knew that his face was bright red and he was probably giving everything away, and that alone was enough to make his heart beat faster and, when Kyle shook his head, Dex felt his stomach drop.

All Kyle ended up saying was, “It’s fine, Will,” and that threw Dex for a loop because he’d imagined coming out to his brother a million times, but it had never gone this well, but then- “But look, kid, you’ve got to be careful with this stuff, okay? I’ve seen your school's website too, you know- the one in four thing? You don’t want this guy to think you’re like that, okay?”

In some strange, sad sort of way, Dex was relieved, because this was a reality that made sense, and it was one that he knew how to survive.

He let out a strangled, half-laugh, and he said, “It’s cool- he’s- just a guy on the team,” and Kyle nodded, like playing sports automatically excluded you from being queer, and then he turned back to the TV, so Dex did as well.

He swallowed down his anger, and he ignored the disgust that was building up inside of him, and he focused on breathing, because he was fine.

Kyle didn’t suspect anything, and his family didn’t hate him yet, and he was going back to Samwell tomorrow, and he was fine.

He breathed in and out, and listened to the sound of hockey in the background, and, as soon as Kyle, left he texted Nursey,  _ ‘Distract me?’ _ and Nursey texted back, _ ‘dude is this you trying to sext?’  _ and it startled Dex into laughing out loud, and he was fine.

He kept texting Nursey, and he was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was really hard to write and idk how i feel about it so i might end up taking it down but we'll see i guess?


	5. in person

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please, please, please don't ask me what year anybody is in in this fic because like
> 
> i don't know
> 
> i've never really thought about it until now
> 
> like
> 
> dex is probably in 1st year but that's literally all the thought i've put into it so like
> 
> please don't ask and please don't hate me for this fics ambiguous setting/time frame?
> 
> (but also i hope you enjoy this chapter because it was a lot of fun to write!)

Dex was back in his dorm by seven o’clock the next evening, and he started unpacking right away.

He hadn’t brought much home with him to begin with, but he refolded his clothes and put them away, and he left his laptop on his desk and started charging his phone, and then he unpacked his Christmas presents as well.

His brothers had given him a tub of protein powder that he stored under his desk, and Nicole had given him a hat that he’d been wearing on the bus, and his mom had given him a messenger bag that she said looked ‘smart.’ She was probably right about that, but it also looked expensive and Dex couldn’t really think about it without feeling guilty.

The rest of his family, uncles and grandparents included, had given him a new hammer and a screw driver, but Dex left them in his suitcase for now, because they looked shiny and modern and they didn’t look like they belonged in his tool box.

When he’d opened the tools on Christmas morning, Uncle Greg had patted him on the back and told him to, _“keep in practice, boy,”_ and then, when Dex had thanked them, Uncle Paul had shrugged it off and said, _“Your dad's stuff must be getting rusty by now, anyways,”_ and he hadn’t been wrong, but rusty didn’t necessarily mean bad. It meant old and it meant used, but those things didn’t mean bad either and, when Dex thought about his father’s toolbox with their shared initials carved into it, he had to swallow down a lump in his throat.

He was alone in his room and most people wouldn’t be back in the building until tomorrow, but crying about something that had happened ages ago still felt embarrassing, so Dex just kicked his suitcase under his bed and looked around his room for a distraction.

He grabbed his phone and texted his mom a quick, _‘I made it back safe,’_ and he scrolled through Facebook, and he caught up on the SMH group chat, and he checked his email, and he was just about to give up on his phone altogether, when he got a text from Nursey that he opened immediately.

It read, _‘are you back yet??’_ and Dex replied, _‘Yeah, you?’_ right away but, when Nursey’s next message came just as quickly and said, ‘ _yeah,’_ and then asked, _‘can i come over?’_ Dex paused, because that was something new.

They’d been texting and snapchatting and finding other ways to talk without actually talking for two weeks straight, but that was different because that was easy.

When they were texting, Dex didn’t exactly forget that he was talking to Derek Nurse, possible god and all around beautiful person, but he also didn’t focus on it.

He focused on what they were saying, and he focused on making Nursey laugh, and he focused on how they were slowly getting to know each other, and it was easy to do all of that, because Nursey couldn’t see how furiously Dex was blushing, or how he had to panic to think of a response every once in a while, or how deeply affected Dex was by almost everything that Nursey said.

When they were texting, Nursey couldn’t see how completely gone for him Dex was, and it was better off that way.

Because of that, Dex waited a few minutes too many before he finally typed out the words, _‘I’m unpacking,’_ and then pressed send.

It wasn’t exactly a yes or a no but it definitely leaned closer to the side of ‘no’ and, because of that, Dex felt bad the second he sent it.

He’d been talking to Nursey for the past two weeks and, as weird as it was, Nursey had helped Dex survive the holidays more than Nursey would hopefully ever know, and instead of repaying him for that, Dex was kind of being a dick and normally he was fine with that, but now it was just leaving a bad taste in his mouth.

He felt guilty, so he quickly added, _‘But yeah, come over if you want,’_ and sent that as well, and Nursey’s reply of, _‘great,’_ and then, _‘leaving now,’_ came only seconds later, and then Dex was back to being ridiculously, unreasonably nervous because, really.

Derek Nurse was coming over to his dorm to hang out with him, and there was no possible way for that not to end terribly.

Dex would say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing, and it would be insufferably awkward and tense, and Nursey was going to realize that he actually wanted nothing to do with Dex at all. and Dex was going to die of embarrassment before the night ended and, because of that realization, Dex was seriously considering smothering himself with a pillow, when a knock sounded on his door and he realized that he was going to have to answer it, so he did.

And _of course_ , Nursey looked perfect, in his stupid beanie and his stupid sweat pants and his stupid sweater, all of which looked suspiciously like pajamas, and _of course_ he smiled the second Dex opened the door, and _of course_ that was all it took to cause Dex’s face to turn bright red immediately, even as he ran a hand through his hair and stuttered out an, “Uh- hey, man,” that only seemed to get an even wider smile out of Nursey.

“Hey,” Nursey replied, and he somehow managed to make the single word sound like a chirp, and Dex was ready to slam the door shut in his face and just count his losses, when Nursey added, “You gonna let me in, or…?” and Dex rolled his eyes and snapped back to life.

“You managed to invite yourself over, so I figured you’d have no problem inviting yourself inside as well,” he said, but he also opened the door a bit wider and took a step back, leaving plenty of room for Nursey to step inside.

For his part, Nursey just kept grinning, and said, “I knew you missed me,” and Dex rolled his eyes again.

“That’s one way to put it,” he muttered, mostly to himself, as he closed the door behind Nursey and then took another step back, before he turned and headed for his desk chair, trying to put as much space between him and Nursey as it was physically possible to do.

“Dude, your room is spotless,” Nursey said, as he toed off his shoes and looked around, before his eyes landed on Dex and he narrowed them slightly. “I thought you were unpacking?”

“I finished,” Dex said, because it wasn’t really a lie, but Nursey just raised an eyebrow.

“And clearly it left you in a great mood,” he said, and the smile on his face stopped it from sounding harsh, but Dex still spent a moment trying to sputter out a reply, before Nursey interrupted him with, “Chill, Pointdexter,” and then glanced around the room one more time, before he took a seat on Dex’s bed, and then raised his eyebrows and asked, “You mind?”

“It’s- fine,” Dex settled on, because there wasn’t much else for him to say, and then he asked, “Did you want to watch a movie or something?” and tried to hold back a sigh of relief when Nursey hummed in agreement.

Instead, he just turned to his computer and told himself to calm down, because everything was fine.

They were going to watch a movie, and that was something that Dex could handle.

Dex wouldn’t have to talk to Nursey, and he wouldn’t have to look at Nursey, and he wouldn’t have to try to figure out if Nursey was flirting with him, and it would be fine.

“Any suggestions?” Dex asked once his computer was booted up, and he wasn’t facing Nursey, but he could practically hear him shrug anyways.

“I’m good with anything,” he said, and Dex rolled his eyes.

He held himself back from muttering, ‘of course you are,’ and considered what he already had saved on his computer, before he asked, “Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, or Harry Potter?” and waited for the chirps to start coming because, he really doubted that Nursey would want to watch any of those.

Everything about Derek Nurse screamed artsy, indie movies, and Dex was almost positive that he was going to suggest something along those lines, so Dex was more than ready for an argument about it.

Because of that, he was surprised when Nursey seemed to consider it for a moment, before he asked, “Can it be one of the newer Harry Potter movies?” and then, when Dex turned around and raised an eyebrow, Nursey just shrugged. “What?” he asked, and then added, “The guy who plays Ron is kinda hot,” and Dex did a double take.

“Bro,” he said, squinting slightly, with nothing but confusion in his voice, “What the fuck?”

Nursey just shrugged again and said, “What? He’s cute,” and really, that didn’t explain anything.

“Are you serious?” Dex asked, waiting for the punchline to whatever joke Nursey was telling because, really.

Dex was pretty sure that nobody in the world actually thought that Ron was cute, let alone hot.

He was a good friend, and he was smart, and Dex had read the books and watched the movies enough times to know that Ron was a damn good wizard as well but, out of everybody else in the movies, the fact that Derek Nurse thought Ron was the hot one was nothing but absurd, and-

And then Nursey added, “Not really as tall as I like and he could use a few more freckles, but I like his hair,” and suddenly things made sense.

Dex’s face turned bright red and he clenched his jaw and bit the inside of his cheek and said, “Funny,” but it came out stiff and stilted, because really.

Nursey had basically just described Dex, and Dex was 99% sure that Nursey was making fun of him, and that wasn’t fair, because Dex knew that he wasn’t all that good looking and he really didn’t need Derek Nurse pointing it out whenever he felt like it.

Still, Nursey just looked confused, but Dex didn’t wait for him to say anything else. Instead, he turned back to his computer and asked, “Is Order of the Phoenix okay?” fighting to keep his voice even the entire time.

It was a few moments before Nursey hummed his affirmation and, when he did, Dex got to work finding the movie, though he also took his time doing so.

He needed a moment to himself, and this was probably the closest he would get to that, so he moved slowly and he let his mind calm down.

He bit the inside of his cheek, and he breathed as deeply and evenly as he could without being obvious, and he felt his face cool down and, when that happened, he mustered up all of the courage he could find, before he moved onto the bed beside Nursey.

It was only then that Nursey actually looked surprised, and the falter in his usual confidence caught Dex off guard.

Of course, Nursey’s typical, chill expression was back a moment later, and he just raised an eyebrow and quirked his mouth up slightly. “Are we cuddling?” he asked,  in a voice that was impossible to read, and Dex reminded himself that two could play at that game.

“Do I really seem like the cuddling type?” he asked, his voice flat and his expression as blank as he could manage, and he’d meant it as a joke but Nursey’s eyes seemed to trace Dex’s face and he looked like he was actually considered the question, so Dex was quick to roll his eyes and hold up his headphones. “My computer’s shit,” he explained, “So if you actually want to hear the movie…”

“Right,” Nursey said, and he seemed to study Dex for another moment before he took one of the earbuds, went back to smirking, and asked, “So cuddling’s out, then?”

Dex rolled his eyes and elbowed Nursey’s side lightly, before he said, “Just watch the damn movie,” and pressed play.

They sat with their backs against the wall and their legs sprawled out in front of them, and Dex wasn’t sure whether he was relieved or disappointed to find that Nursey respected the space between them, though he was leaning towards relieved.

Hanging out with Nursey was a lot, and Dex was surprised by how well it was going and he was even more surprised by how much Nursey seemed to be enjoying himself, but it always had taken Dex a long time to grow comfortable around people, and he’d always liked his space.

Still, knowing that Nursey was beside him was surprisingly nice. Dex got to sneak glances at him whenever he wanted to, and Nursey commented on bits and pieces of the movie, and Dex made a joke here or there, and Dex realized after a while, that he wasn’t necessarily chill, but he was calm and relaxed, and that was nice too.

Of course, by the time the movie was over, Dex was so invested in it that he couldn’t bring himself to chirp Nursey for crying when Sirius died. Instead, he just suggested that they watch the sixth movie some time, and smiled when Nursey agreed.

 

 

//

 

 

Classes started on Monday and so did hockey practice, and Dex threw himself into his work like he always did.

It was only the beginning of the semester but he didn’t want to fall behind in anything, so he divided his time between class, practice, the gym, and the library, and it worked out fine until the weekend rolled around and Jack announced semi-mandatory team bonding in the form of shinny, which really just sounded like an excuse to get in an extra practice.

When he voiced that theory to Ransom and Holster, they both agreed, though they didn’t seem too put off by the thought of an extra practice so Dex decided to go with it because, really.

He and Smitty were both good players and they worked well enough together, but they hadn’t really connected as d-men in the same way that Ransom and Holster had, so Dex figured that a little extra practice together definitely couldn’t hurt things.

Because of that, when Smitty messaged the group saying, _‘sorry guys can’t make it,’_ Dex was already halfway to the pond, and it made him more than a little bit irritated, because he’d cut time out of his schedule for this, and there was no point in him being there if his partner wasn’t.

Still, he kept going and he got to the pond a few minutes later, only to see that there were really only a few people there anyways. Bitty and Jack were tying their skates, and Ransom and Holster were already on the ice, playing something that sort of looked like tag, while some of the other guys skated around them, and Shitty was standing on the sidelines, talking to somebody who looked suspiciously like Nursey.

When Dex got closer he realized that the person in question was definitely Nursey, and he also realized that Nursey was wearing skates and holding a hockey stick in his hands.

At that point, Dex was close enough to be seen by them and, while Shitty and Nursey both smiled and waved, he just furrowed his brow and stared at Nursey.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, and Shitty’s eyebrows shot up, at which point Dex realized that he might have sounded a bit rude, so he backtracked with- “Isn’t this for the team?” and that really didn’t sound any better.

“Good to see you too, Pointdexter,” Nursey said in response, and Dex rolled his eyes and ignored the way he had a tiny bit of trouble focusing whenever Nursey smiled like _that,_ and the fact that the next words out of Nursey’s mouth were, “Shitty mentioned that you were missing a partner, so I thought I’d offer my services,” really didn’t help matters either.

Still, Dex just swallowed down the lump in his throat and tried his best to hold onto his fading sense of irritation, as he asked, “You play hockey?” because, really. It seemed like something that Nursey probably should have mentioned before now, and yet-

“Dude’s a fucking all-star,” Shitty said, and then went on with, “We played together at Andover and let me tell you, he was the one bright, shiny light in that otherwise dark, hellish excuse of a school.”

Nursey didn’t correct any of that, but he did ignore Shitty in favor of looking at Dex as he said, “I haven’t played seriously in a while so I’m definitely out of practice, but whatever, right?” and Dex’s brow was furrowed and he really wasn’t in the best mood, but he wasn’t really in the mood to argue, so he just shrugged.

“Yeah, whatever,” he agreed, and then got to work putting on his skates, as a few more people showed up.

In the end, it turned out that most of the team opted to ignore the ‘semi-mandatory’ part of the shinny, and the majority of the team hadn’t bothered to show up at all.

Chowder played net for Ransom, Holster, Bitty, and a few other guys, while Johnson played net for Dex, Nursey, Shitty, Jack, and whoever else wandered over to the pond after they’d started.

Dex had been skeptical about playing alongside Nursey, but that disappeared almost as soon as they started because, really.

Nursey was a bit sloppy and a definitely out of practice and he seemed to favor his right side, but he also seemed to be everywhere that Dex needed him to be, and he was quick and strong and an undeniably good player, and he didn’t actually score any goals but he did assist one of Dex’s and, when that happened, Nursey tackled Dex into a hug before Dex knew what was happening.

He returned the hug, because that’s what you did during celly’s, and he tried not to resent the rest of his team for joining in and ruining the moment, and then they went back to playing.

The game ended a little over an hour after it started and, when Nursey sat down to untie his skates, Dex only hesitated for a moment before he sat down beside him and got to work on his own.

Dex focused on his laces for a few seconds, before his curiosity got the better of him and he said, “Dude, you know, you’re actually pretty good,” and then he asked, “Why’d you quit?” and he was watching Nursey out of the corner of his eye, so he saw the way that Nursey froze for half a second, before he shrugged.

“It’s a long story,” he said, and then, before Dex had a chance to press, he asked, “Hey, did you still want to watch the Half Blood Prince sometime? Because I’m free tonight, so like, if you were down…?”

Dex blinked and, when he realized that Nursey actually sounded nervous, he blinked again, and then he said the first thing that came to mind, which ended up being, “I’ve got studying to do,” at which point Nursey stopped looking nervous and started looking unimpressed.

“Dude,” Nursey said, his voice flat except for a hint of importance that it held, “It’s literally the first Saturday of the semester. There is no possible way that you have studying to do.”

Dex considered listing off every assignment he had been given for the entirety of the semester, just for the sake of being contradictory, but he held himself back.

Instead, he let out a sigh and said, “I could probably manage one movie,” and Nursey grinned.

“Nice,” he said, and then he asked, “My roommate’s like, never around, so we could do it in my room?” and Dex’s cheeks were already bright red from the cold, but he felt himself blush anyways because, really.

It was almost impossible to hear that sentence and assume that something PG was happening and, from the way that Bitty had raised his eyebrows and subtly leaned closer to Dex and Nursey, Dex knew that he wasn’t the only one who was thinking that.

Still, he just said, “Sure,” and then he realized that he’d just been playing hockey for an hour, so he added, “But I’ve got to shower first, so I’ll meet you there?” and, an hour or so later, Dex was glad that he’d thought of that.

Nursey’s computer was about a million times nicer than Dex’s was and the speakers on it actually worked, so they didn’t bother with headphones but they still sat side by side on Nursey’s bed, and it was easier this time.

About half way through the movie, Nursey shifted slightly and crossed his legs, pressing his knee into Dex’s thigh in the process, and Dex froze for a second, but he also didn’t bother pulling away, and neither did Nursey.

Instead, he kept his focus on the movie and he reminded himself to breathe evenly, and they stayed like that for the rest of the movie.

 

 

//

 

 

A few days later, Dex got a text from Nursey that read, _‘harry potter?’_ and Dex wanted to say yes, but he couldn’t.

He replied, _‘I’ve got a test tomorrow,’_ and Nursey replied, _‘ahh well good luck bro,’_ and then Dex went back to studying.

He did well enough on the test, and the hockey team went out of town for a game that weekend and, when they got back, Dex had a million other assignments due, and he didn’t have much time for anything else.

Still, he noticed that him and Nursey were texting less than usual and he realized that he actually sort of missed Nursey, and he didn’t know what to do with that, but it was distracting because it made him feel _off_ , and it made it impossible for him to concentrate.

His room felt empty and the library felt lonely and every time he checked his phone and realized that Nursey hadn’t texted him he felt disappointed so, eventually, Dex gave up on his textbooks and texted Nursey, _‘Hey, if you’re not busy, I’d be down to watch Harry Potter?’_ and then bit his lip and waited for a response, though it turned out that he didn’t have to wait very long.

Nursey said, _‘well it’s about time,’_ and then, _‘i’m in my room,’_ and then, _‘come by whenever,’_ and Dex found himself smiling, as he packed up his textbooks and headed out of the library.

Nursey’s dorm was across campus, but Dex made short work of the walk because it was freezing outside and snow was piling up around him and, by the time he was standing outside of Nursey’s door, his face was bright red and his hair was damp, and he kind of just wanted to curl up in his own bed and fall asleep.

Still, this had been his idea and he was going to follow through with it even if it killed him, so he reached out and knocked on the door and, a second later when Nursey called out, “It’s open,” Dex walked inside.

The last time Dex had been in Nursey’s dorm, he’d thought it was messy, but that was an understatement in comparison to how it looked now.

There was clothing everywhere, and there were papers strewn across the floor and some taped to the wall by the bed, and a few boxes of pizza were littered about, and if this was what Nursey’s room looked like most of the time, then Dex really, really couldn’t blame Nursey’s roommate for never being around.

For his part, Nursey was sitting on the bed, with his comforter wrapped around him, his face and hands the only things poking out, while he seemed to be writing something on his computer.

He didn’t look up when Dex entered; he just kept his eyes on his screen and his fingers kept flying across the keyboard, until he finally seemed satisfied with whatever he was working on.

When he did look at Dex, he did a double take.

“Dude,” he said, “You look like shit.”

Dex blinked, and then made a show of looking Nursey up and down before he asked, “Should you really be talking about how other people look right now?” and when Nursey shrugged, Dex said, “I can go if now’s a bad time?”

This time, Nursey blinked. “Why would it be a bad time?” he asked, and he actually sounded confused, so Dex looked around the room again, and then looked pointedly at Nursey’s laptop.

All he actually said was, “You look… busy,” and Nursey just shrugged.

“Not really,” he said, and then added, “I’m out of inspiration anyways,” and Dex was about to ask what, exactly, that meant, when Nursey shifted over so that he was leaning against the wall, and nodded to the spot beside him. “Come on,” he said, “Let’s do this,” and Dex wanted to say more, but instead he just took off his shoes and jacket, and crawled onto the bed beside Nursey.

The movie started playing a few moments later, and it was only then that Dex realized that he’d made a huge mistake, because he could barely keep his eyes open.

The screen was dark and the room was dim, and Dex had been studying all day and he was exhausted, and Nursey’s bed was ridiculously comfortable.

It was easy for Dex to rest his eyes, and it was easy for him to lean back against the wall and let his head tilt to the side, and it was easy to drift off for a moment or two and, soon enough, it was easy for him to fall asleep, and he didn’t realize what he’d done until he woke up with a start, surprised to find a warm body pressed against his.

It took a moment for him to remember where he was and what he was supposed to be doing but, when he did, he groaned and rubbed his eyes and, when he finally opened them, he realized that his face was pressed against Nursey’s chest, and that Nursey was staring down at him with a barely concealed grin.

“And here I thought you weren’t the cuddling type,” he said, sounding way too happy for Dex’s liking, so Dex just glared.

“I’m not,” he said, but his voice was scratchy and it broke half way through, and Nursey just ended up smiling even wider, so Dex added a half-hearted, “Fuck off,” and then he felt Nursey laugh.

“Chill, Pointdexter,” he said, and he had an arm wrapped around Dex’s shoulders that he squeezed slightly, before he said, “You’re the one who started it, after all.”

Pushing away took all of the strength that Dex could muster, but he did it anyways and he let himself flop backwards so that he was lying across Nursey’s bed instead. His feet ended up pressed against Nursey’s thigh and Nursey rested a hand on Dex’s leg, and it made him feel warm inside and it was ridiculously domestic, but Dex kept glaring anyways.

“The movie?” he asked, trying to figure out just how long he’d been asleep, and just how much he’d missed.

“Part 1 is finished, but I didn’t want to start Part 2 without you,” Nursey said, and Dex couldn’t help but feel guilty about that. Still, Nursey waved off his apology and just said, “It’s cool, dude, you looked tired anyways,” and Dex frowned.

“We were supposed to hang out,” Dex said, and he was pretty sure that he sounded petulant but that always happened when he was tired, so he ignored it and asked, “Do you want to watch Part 2 now?” and, when Nursey looked uncertain, he added, “We don’t have to, though,” and Nursey raised his eyebrows.

“Are you going to fall asleep on me again?” he asked, and it sounded like a chirp so Dex just rolled his eyes and muttered, _‘fuck off,’_ and then Nursey smiled and held out an arm and said, “Get over here, Pointdexter,” and, after a moment, Dex pulled himself back into a sitting position, and really did lean against Nursey.

Nursey seemed surprised for half a second, so Dex elbowed his stomach gently and muttered, “Would you just start the damn movie?” and that was all it took for Nursey to wrap his arm around Dex’s shoulders and press play and, while a part of Dex wanted to freak out over the whole thing, an even larger part of him just stayed calm, because he felt good.

There was a voice in his head telling him that he was making a mistake, and an even louder one was asking him what he was doing, but it was all drowned out by the feeling of Nursey’s arm arms around him and, if Dex dozed in and out of sleep during the rest of the movie, then who could really blame him?


	6. birthdays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dex: *tells himself this isn't a date*  
> dex: *buys nursey froyo and acts like they've been together for decades*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote at least 10 different versions of this chapter, so i hope you like this one! :)

It wasn’t long before hanging out with each other just became something that Dex and Nursey did. 

If Dex was studying in the library, he cleared a spot at his table for Nursey and, if he was going to Annie’s, he invited Nursey to tag along and, if he was going to the Haus for pie or Mario Kart, he just assumed that Nursey would be going too.

It was nice and it was easy and they were friends, and Dex decided not to question it.

Still, when Nursey walked into the library on February 14th and dropped himself into a chair with an unceremonious huff, Dex raised an eyebrow.

He’d texted Nursey a, _‘Happy birthday, man,’_ earlier in the day he’d added an awkward, _‘And happy Valentine’s day too, I guess,’_ and he hadn’t gotten a response, so he’d assumed that Nursey was busy or that he had something better to do because, really. Dex couldn’t imagine a world in which Derek Nurse didn’t have Valentine’s Day plans.

It was way too easy to imagine Nursey, dressed in a suit and holding a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates, picking somebody up and taking them to some fancy, overpriced restaurant, and then taking them out for a walk in the park, and then taking them home and-

And Dex always cut the fantasy off there, because it was way too easy to get carried away and it was even easier to imagine himself as Nursey’s date, and he just wasn’t going to do that to himself.

Still, looking at Nursey now, Dex regretted how quickly he’d written the day off.

Nursey looked tired and stressed and there was a line between his eyebrows that wasn’t normally there and his lips were pursed and clearly frowning, and he barely even looked at Dex. Instead, after he sat down he just started unloading his bag, taking out his computer and a notebook and a few books, before he got to work and Dex realized that, if he wanted to know what was going on, he’d have to start the conversation himself.

Because of that, Dex cleared his throat and that, at least, got Nursey to look at him, though Nursey didn’t look impressed in the slightest.

His frown didn’t waver at all, as he asked, “What?” in a voice that was flatter than usual.

“Are you… okay?” Dex tried after a moment too long, and Nursey’s brow just furrowed even more. On anybody else it would have been a glare but, on Nursey, Dex didn’t know how to describe it.

“I’m fine,” Nursey said, still flat, and normally Dex would just drop it, but he felt like he shouldn’t.

“… Are you?” Dex asked, and he was awful at comforting people and even worse at talking about feelings and he knew that it showed, and Nursey just laughed. It was short and harsh and, when he didn’t say anything afterwards, Dex sighed and went on with, “Shouldn’t you be doing… something?” and he was pretty sure that that only made things worse.

Nursey raised an eyebrow and asked, “Should I?” and, when Dex blanked, Nursey laughed again and shook his head and said, “It’s fine, Dex. I’m fine, alright? I just don't like my birthday,” and Dex didn't want to press, but he was also curious.

“And Valentine’s day?” he asked and Nursey gave up on flipping through a book, in favor of staring at Dex outright, with his most unimpressed look yet.

“It’s on my birthday, isn’t it?”

“So you don’t have a date or anything?” Dex asked, trying to make sense of that, as Nursey rolled his eyes.

“Am I seeing anybody, Pointdexter?” he asked, and Dex squinted.

“No?” he said, not entirely sure that it wasn’t a trick question, and Nursey still looked irritated but, for half a second, he also looked like he was trying to mask a smile.

“So who did you think I’d be on a date with?” Nursey asked, and it sounded rhetorical so Dex stopped himself from saying, _‘one of the millions of people who probably throw themselves at you on a daily basis,’_ and, after a moment, Nursey nodded. “Exactly,” he said, and then, “Can we just study?” and when Dex just nodded, Nursey turned back to the book in his hands.

Still, the whole thing didn’t sit right for Dex.

Birthdays were a big thing in his family, and the idea that Nursey just wanted to hole away in the library and mope over a pile of textbooks felt sad, so Dex bit his lip before he said, “We could get ice cream in a bit?” and hoped for the best.

For his part, Nursey seemed to freeze for a moment, before his eyes flicked up from his book to Dex’s face and he narrowed them slightly. “It’s Valentine’s day,” he said, slower than usual, like it was supposed to mean something.

“Is that what all the red hearts are about?” Dex asked, nothing but sarcasm, and Nursey looked like he wanted to laugh again, but he didn’t.

Instead, Nursey said, “People are going to think we’re a couple,” and Dex felt his stomach drop at the reluctance in Nursey’s voice, but all he actually did was roll his eyes.

“Well, if you think you can handle that much embarrassment, let me know,” he said, and then he was the one turning back to his notes before he could gauge Nursey’s reaction.

Still, when Nursey spoke again, with, “That’s not what I-”

Dex cut him off before he could finish, and said, “It’s fine, Nurse,” and then he took a deep breath and let it out and tried really, really hard to look like he was studying, even though nothing on the screen in front of him was registering as anything but nonsense.

The next time Nursey spoke, he asked, “Can we get frozen yogurt instead?” and he sounded tentative and nowhere near chill, so Dex agreed without a fight, and both of them agreed to stay in the library and study for a bit first, and Dex thanked every god in the world for that, because he needed the time to collect his thoughts.

He didn’t actually get any more work done and he was pretty sure that Nursey didn’t either because, almost every time Dex looked up from his computer, Nursey seemed to be looking at his phone. Every once in a while the screen lit up and, when it did, Nursey would check it right away, but he never typed out a response and he always looked just a little bit disappointed when he put it back down.

Dex knew it was none of his business and he knew that Nursey would say something if he wanted to, so Dex didn’t ask, even though it left him with a bad taste in his mouth.

Eventually they left the library and, even though it was freezing cold outside, they walked to the frozen yogurt place that was just off campus.

Dex kept his head down and his hands buried in his pockets and, when he remembered the reluctance in Nursey’s voice when he’d said, _‘people are going to think we’re a couple,’_ he also made sure to keep a respectable distance between them. He caught Nursey giving him a strange look occasionally, but he didn’t say anything so neither did Dex.

The frozen yogurt place itself was packed, but that much was to be expected.

Dex eyed the hearts and streamers that were hung up with a vague sense of disinterest, while Nursey looked at them with outright contempt and, really, the only thing worse than the decorations, were the couples, huddled together in booths, feeding each other frozen yogurt and staring at each other with wide eyes and looking completely and entirely in love.

Dex really, really hoped that he didn’t look at Nursey like that, but he shook that thought out of his head the moment it hit him because, really. They were friends getting frozen yogurt, as friends did, and they had nothing in common with the couples that were there on dates.

With that in mind, they got their own frozen yogurt, and Dex realized that watching Nursey assemble his was nothing short of appalling.

“Nurse,” he said, with more than a little horror in his voice, “Blueberry cheese cake and coffee don’t go together,” and then, when Nursey just smirked and moved on to the cotton candy flavour, Dex groaned. “That’s disgusting,” he said, and Nursey rolled his eyes.

“What did you get, vanilla?” he asked, and then he leaned towards Dex to look in his cup and let out a loud laugh and said, “Oh my god, you actually did.”

“It’s Greek yogurt and honey, actually,” Dex said, faking offence, and Nursey just laughed even more.

When they got to the toppings and Nursey put chocolate chips, nerds, gummy worms, coconut, peanut butter cups, fuzzy peaches, cookie dough, brownies, and strawberry syrup on his yogurt, Dex just shook his head.

“I can’t take you anywhere,” he said, and Nursey smiled, like he was taking it as a compliment.

When they got to the cash register, the girl behind it looked at them with a blank expression that told Dex that she’d been there all day, and that she was no longer fazed by anything. Because of that, he had no problem nodding at Nursey and saying, “I’m paying for his too,” and he didn’t falter, even when Nursey sputtered behind him.

The girl just said, “Put it on the scale then,” not unfriendly but definitely not interested, and when Nursey didn’t put his yogurt on the scale immediately, Dex rolled his eyes.

“Dude,” Dex said, turning to look at Nursey and trying to ignore just how unreadable his expression was, “I’m not making you pay for frozen yogurt on your birthday, so just-” Dex cut himself off with a nod towards the scale, and Nursey looked like he was ready to argue, when his phone started ringing and he went to look at it immediately.

This time, his eyes light up and they stayed that way after he checked the caller ID, and when he looked back at Dex he said, “It’s my sister, so-” and Dex didn't even know that Nursey had a sister, but he took it in stride and rolled his eyes, but he also smiled slightly, going for encouraging.

“I’ve got this,” he said, taking the frozen yogurt from Nursey before he added, “I’ll get us a table,” and that seemed to be all of the prompting Nursey needed, before he turned and disappeared outside, leaving Dex with the cashier, who barely even blinked.

He paid for the food and he found a booth in the corner, and then he pulled out his phone and started picking at his frozen yogurt while he waited for Nursey to join him.

Of course, he didn’t have any new texts and he didn’t want to use too much data and that left him with very few options when it came to his phone, so mostly he just played candy crush half-heartedly and tried not to think about the fact that him and Nursey were hanging out on Nursey’s birthday which also happened to be Valentine’s Day, in a way that sort of resembled a date.

Nursey wasn’t actually gone for more than ten minutes but, by the time he got to the table and shed his jacket, his frozen yogurt had already turned into a semi-melted, multi-colored pile of goo.

Nursey himself looked crest-fallen, but he also looked like he was desperately trying to hide it, so Dex didn’t ask about the phone call. Instead, he filed that information away for another time, and he leaned forwards so that their knees briefly bumped under the table, and then he nodded at Nursey’s yogurt and said, “Even you have to admit, that looks disgusting,” and it seemed to be the right thing to say, because Nursey smiled slightly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, and then he took a huge bite of the yogurt and started chewing on it like he was trying to prove a point, which probably would have worked a lot better if he hadn’t started choking on it after a few moments.

As it was, Dex found himself laughing and, after a moment, Nursey stopped coughing and started laughing too, and Dex tried not to think about how good he looked, with his cheeks tinged slightly pink and his eyes crinkling at the sides.

Instead, Dex took a bite of his own frozen yogurt and tried to think of another way to make Nursey laugh, because he figured that Derek deserved that much, at least.

 

 

//

 

 

The team had an away game the next weekend, but it wasn’t far enough away to warrant a hotel stay.

Instead, they packed themselves onto a bus at noon on Saturday, they were on the ice at four, and then they were back on the bus, headed home, by eight o’clock that night, proud of the win that they now had under their belt.

Really, that much hadn’t been surprising.

They’d beat the team they were playing during pre-season and then twice during the actual season and, even if they hadn’t had that to boost their confidence, the SMH had been playing remarkably well lately, because they all knew how much it mattered.

It was nice, and it left the team feeling good, if not exhausted, and Dex was no exception to that so, when he checked his phone and saw that he had a series of congratulatory texts waiting for him, it only made him feel even better.

He texted his mom, _‘Thanks!’_ and _‘I promise I’ll call tomorrow,’_ and he replied to Nicole’s, _‘mom said you won again so nice one,’_ with _, ‘Thanks_ _,_ _kid,’_ and added, _‘How’s school going?’_ at the last minute, and tried not to dwell on the lack of an immediate response, because he was sure that Nicole had better things to do than text him anyways.

There was also a message from Benny that read, _‘yoo congrats on the hockey,_ ’ and one from Dex’s roommate that said, _‘hey I’m going on a date tonight and it’ll probably go well so could you check in before you get back to the room?’_ and Dex rolled his eyes but replied to both of those as well.

After that, he was left with twenty texts from Nursey, and he read through them with a smile on his face.

Nursey had watched the game online and he’d texted Dex updates as it went, and the texts varied from helpful and insightful to downright vulgar, and Dex was just about to reply with _, ‘So I take it you watched the game?’_ when Shitty dropped into the seat beside him, and Dex’s immediate reaction was to hide the screen and raise an eyebrow, a tiny bit reproachful and definitely not welcoming.

Of course, Shitty couldn’t be fazed by anything, and he just smiled and waved a finger in the general direction of Dex’s face and said, “I know that look,” sounding like a grandfather reminiscing about the war, before he went on with, “I’d recognize it anywhere,” only adding to the air of overdone nostalgia that had Dex rolling his eyes.

“Would you?” he asked, but that turned out to be a mistake, because Shitty clapped him on the back and leaned back in his own seat, making himself at home before he let out a long sigh.

“Oh Dex, you sweet, young, frog,” he said, looking off into the distance, as he asked, “You know who I spent Christmas Eve with?” and Dex was almost positive that that was a rhetorical question, so he just raised his eyebrows and was proven right when Shitty went on with, “Derek Nurse. I spent it with Derek fucking Nurse, and he was mooning over his phone the whole time, just like you’re doing now.”

Dex blinked.

An, _‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’_ probably wouldn’t get him off the hook, and an, ‘ _Oh, really?’_ would just encourage Shitty, and jumping off of a moving bus didn’t really seem like an option so, in the end, Dex just blinked again and waited for Shitty to get to whatever point he was trying to make.

Luckily, Lardo got to them before Shitty could do that.

She had a clipboard and a check list in hand, but she nudged Shitty with the other and said, “Dude, let the children find love at their own pace,” and Dex really, really wanted to protest that, but he didn’t have a chance to, because then Lardo was grabbing Shitty’s arm and pulling with more force and saying, “Come on, you can help with inventory,” and Shitty had never been known to say no to Lardo, so he just let himself be pulled away with one last wink in Dex’s direction.

Dex blinked again, and then he glared at a few of the guys who were openly staring at him and, when they finally turned away, he turned back to his phone and finally typed out his reply to Nursey, before he decided to have a nap.

 

 

//

 

 

Dex’s brief conversation with Shitty hadn’t been particularly insightful, but it had been enough to throw Dex off and it had been more than enough to make him question what, exactly, him and Nursey were doing.

They were friends, obviously. Dex could recognize that much, and he was fine with that, and it made sense.

Being friends with Nursey made sense.

What didn’t make sense, were the times when the two of them would curl up in Nursey’s bed to watch a movie, or the times when Dex could swear he caught Nursey checking him out, or the times when Dex was almost completely and entirely positive that Nursey was flirting with him.

Things like that were becoming more and more frequent, and they always left Dex with more questions than answers.

Besides Melissa Elwood in the second grade, Dex had never dated anybody. He’d made out with a few guys and he’d hooked up with another, but that was the extent of his experience and that was fine, but it also meant that Dex was completely and entirely out of his league with Derek Nurse, and he hated it.

He hated not understanding things and he hated not knowing what to do and, because of that, Dex’s irritation only grew and, when he got a snapchat of Nursey at the gym one day, looking as flawless as ever, Dex wanted to give up on everything entirely.

Instead, he just made a frustrated noise that kind of sounded like a cat being strangled, before he put his phone face-down on the table, and leaned back in his chair. He ran a hand over his face and then through his hair, and then he crossed them over his chest and kept looking up at the ceiling with his eyes closed.

He only opened them when Bitty cleared his throat, and then he glanced over to the oven, where Bitty was working out some sort of new pie recipe, only to see that Bitty had stopped stirring the bowl in his hands and was just staring at Dex with an eyebrow raised in an obvious question.

For a moment, Dex considered brushing Bitty off. It would be easy enough to say _, ‘it’s nothing,’_ or, _‘family stuff,’_ or about a million other excuses that he knew Bitty would accept, but then Dex stopped himself, because this was Bitty, and Bitty would understand.

Bitty was the first person who’d talked to Dex after he’d abruptly and almost accidentally come out to the team, and he was the first person who’d assured Dex that things were going to be fine and, before Dex and Nursey had started talking, Bitty had been the one that Dex complained about home to, because Bitty knew where Dex was coming from, and he got it.

Still, Dex had never been great at talking about his feelings and he didn’t know where to start, so he just looked back up at the ceiling and said, “I just-” and then made another strangled noise and cut himself off with a flourish of his hands.

“You just…?” Bitty prompted, and when Dex sighed again and glanced towards Bitty, trying to ask for help without actually asking, Bitty seemed to understand. Still, all he asked was, “Is this about a boy?” and Dex was kind of relieved that he didn’t outright say Nursey.

Dex could talk about a random, hypothetical boy, as long as he didn’t focus too much on his hypothetical smile, or his hypothetical laugh, or any other sort of specific detail that identified the boy as Derek Nurse, so that’s what he did.

He sighed again, but this time he also said, “I just don’t know what we’re doing?” and that got a sympathetic smile from Bitty, and apparently that was all that Dex needed because, after that, he just kept going with, “I mean, like, we’re friends. He’s my friend, and I’m pretty sure that he considers me a friend, but like. Also. We cuddle more than I do with most of my friends and sometimes it kind of seems like he might be flirting? But like. I could definitely just be imagining that, so.”

Dex’s cheeks were red and he kind of felt mortified, but Bitty just looked contemplative and, if possible, even more sympathetic than before. “And you like this boy as- _lord, don_ _’t let Shitty hear me use this phrase-_ more than a friend?” he asked, and Dex wanted to disappear.

“Yes?”

Bitty hummed for a moment, and then he asked, “And do you know if he’s…?” and Dex recognized the hesitation there, and he knew what Bitty was asking.

“Yeah,” Dex said, and then added, “I mean- I don’t actually know how he identifies? But like, definitely into guys,” and that thought brought back memories of Ryan, and the library, and the texts on Nursey’s phone, and Dex groaned again. “He doesn’t ‘ _do relationships’_ ,” Dex said, and this time Bitty snorted.

“Hon, any boy with half a brain would be willing to ‘do relationships’ with you,” he said, and Dex flushed at the compliment and he didn’t really believe it at all, so he ignored it and, after a moment, Bitty sighed, before he crossed the room and sat at the table, beside Dex. “So you’ve talked to him about this?” Bitty asked, and Dex bit his lip and looked away.

“I mean…” he said, trailing off when he saw Bitty raise an eyebrow, clearly expecting a better answer than that, “Kind of? Like, not really, but…? No?”

Bitty was a patient person, but he definitely looked unimpressed at that and all he said was, “William,” with a gentle sense of disapproval that Dex tried to ignore.

Still, he sighed and swallowed down the lump in his throat and looked back up at the ceiling, before he said, “I just-” and then cut himself off and said, “I don’t want to make it weird? And like, Nurse- he’s- like- everybody likes him and he likes everybody so, like. I could just be misreading this whole thing?”

Dex realized after the fact, that he’d broken the thin veil of cover he’d been keeping over Nursey’s identity, but Bitty didn’t look surprised at all. For a moment, Bitty’s eyes flicked down and he looked almost sad, but then he just bounced back and said, “Hon, I know how that feels- everybody in the world knows how that feels, but there are some things that you just have to trust yourself enough to take a chance on.”

Dex laughed at that, but it was a hallow sound and Bitty didn’t acknowledge it. Instead, he just waited a moment, before he handed Dex the bowl that he’d been holding, said, “Stir,” and then headed for the fridge.

Dex followed the instructions mechanically, staring into the bowl while he mixed the ingredients together, before he finally said, “I know,” because he did. He knew that he had to talk to Nursey and he knew that he wanted to, because he wanted to know what they were doing. He didn’t know what it was but he knew what he wanted it to be, and that terrified him but the conversation was also inevitable.

Still,  it was by no means a conversation that Dex was actually ready to have so, after a moment, he added, “Just- I’ll talk to him once the season ends,” and that felt better.

That gave him time to think about what he was going to say and it gave him time to back out if he had to and, in case he had been misreading everything, it also gave him more time to just be friends with Nursey before he ruined it all.

Bitty hummed his approval, and Dex focused on his mixing, and that was that.

When Jack came in a while later and Bitty’s face lit up, Dex considered telling Bitty to take his own advice, but he quickly decided against it. Instead, he excused himself from the kitchen, and then went for a walk to clear his head.

February was giving way to March and the cold hadn’t quite let up, but the sun was shining and everything looked a bit more cheerful, so that’s what Dex focused on.

Instead of thinking about Nursey, he thought about the water breaking through the ponds ice and, instead of thinking about the upcoming play offs, he thought about the birds he saw and, instead of thinking about how he would have to head home soon, he thought about his good the cold air felt on his face and then, when he was done his walk, he texted Nursey to see if he wanted to hang out because at the moment they were friends, and that’s what friends did.


	7. playoffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> playoffs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't hate me for:
> 
> a. how long it took me to post this  
> b. how short this chapter is (and the fact that it's sort of a filler?) and  
> c. how terrible i am at replying to comments even though i swear to god i love and appreciate every single one of them

When playoffs finally started, Dex made a point of not thinking about anything but hockey and school.

He went to practice and to the gym and he played his heart out in games, and he went to class and to the library and he did his best to keep up with his assignments, and that was it.

They started spending even more time on the road, and Dex didn’t actually mind that. The team was easy to travel with, and he studied with Chowder on the bus, and it was a lot easier to talk to Nursey over text.

Nursey told him about school, and Dex kept Nursey updated on games, and Nursey provided an endless stream of commentary mixed with congratulations’ and chips, and Dex pretended that he wasn’t completely and entirely in love with him.

He focused on hockey and he ignored his feelings, and it worked, for the most part.

The seemingly constant travel also meant that Dex and Nursey started spending more and more time apart and, when they first saw each other the second week after playoffs had started, Dex had forgotten about one significant change in his appearance, but Nursey noticed it right away.

Nursey was in his office, sitting in the chair in the corner with a book in his hands and his legs propped on the desk, and he looked fully engrossed in whatever he was reading. He was biting his lip and holding the book with both hands and there was a tiny crease between his eyebrows and he sort of looked like a statue, and Dex kind of hated interrupting him but, after a moment of staring, he knocked on the door anyways.

When Nursey looked up, a million things flashed across his face at once. First he looked lost and a bit confused, like he was being pulled out of the book and violently dropped back into his chair, and then he tried to get back to chill but he missed it by a mile, because his eyes lit up and his smile turned ecstatic, and-

“Oh my god, Dex,  _ your beard _ ,” he said, and he closed his book and put it down and leaned forward on his elbows like he was trying to get a better look, and Dex wanted to die.

His cheeks were heating up and his ears probably were too, and he knew that it only added to how awful his attempt at a playoff beard was, but he’d also grown to accept it. The patchy spots of light red hair that covered his chin and jaw were all a part of their playoff run, whether or not it made him look like a dying rooster, and, as Shitty had said, he just had to  _ ‘take one for the fucking team, Poindexter, _ ’ and grow the beard no matter what.

Still, he didn’t like it and he wasn’t pretending to, so he muttered a, “Fuck off,” at Nursey and, when it resulted in a fit of giggles, he glared.

The fact that the beard made the glare a lot less effective had been taken into account, and Dex resented that more than anything.

For his part, Nursey at least made an effort to stop giggling, but then he said, “You’re adorable,” and just kept grinning, and Dex considered killing the both of them.

Instead, he crossed his arms and said, “I hate you,” and Nursey’s glee didn’t waver at all.

“Still adorable,” Nursey said, shaking his head slightly and running a hand absentmindedly over his own chin, which only served as a reminder to the fact that Derek Nurse constantly seemed to be growing stubble that only added to how beautiful he looked on a daily basis, which really, really wasn’t fair.

Dex was trying not to pout at that, so he just rolled his eyes and said, “If I’d known you’d be like this, I wouldn’t have come by,” and there was no real bite to it, but Nursey clicked his tongue anyways.

“Touchy, are we?” he asked, and Dex rolled his eyes.

“Tired,” Dex corrected him, and then added, “And sore, everywhere. My whole body hurts,” and Nursey’s smile seemed to soften at that, and he nodded Dex into the room.

“Anything in particular, or are you actually just looking for a full body massage?” he asked, and when Dex bent to put his bag down and winced when he stood back up, Nursey raised an eyebrow and whistled. “Full body massage, it is,” he said, and Dex sighed.

“My- feet don’t hurt?” he tried, but then he thought about it for a moment before he added, “Well actually, the left one kind of does when I get off the ice, but like, I don’t think a massage would help with that?” and Nursey laughed.

“Dude, it’s cool,” he said, and then added, “This is my job,” and then, “And besides, this is like, the first time I’ve seen you in ages, so it’s chill,” and Dex felt a pang of guilt at that, but before he had a chance to actually process it, Nursey was standing and nodding towards the table and saying, “Come on, you know the drill,” and Dex sighed and finished taking his shirt off, and then made quick work of getting on the table.

Once he was there, with his face pressed down and his arms by his side, it was only a moment before he felt Nursey’s hands on his shoulders and, when that happened, he resisted the urge to sigh.

Instead, he focused on their conversation and then the guilt was back, so he said, “We’ve just been travelling a lot, you know,” and Nursey hummed in response.

“Dude, you’re actually like, so tense,” he said, and Dex did sigh at that, but it was filled with irritation and it was cut off when Nursey’s fingers hit a spot that made Dex wince, and then Nursey muttered, “Chill just like, a tiny bit, would you?” and Dex snorted.

“I’ll work on that,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, and he was pretty sure that Nursey pressed down a bit harder than necessary in retaliation, but Dex decided to let it go. “The-uh- Frozen Four is next week,” Dex continued, just making conversation and telling himself to act chill and normal, even as he said, “So, uh, I’ll be around more after that?” and then flinched at how awkward he sounded, while Nursey just hummed again.

“You guys think you’re ready?” he asked, and his voice was a bit distant and a bit lost, and he sounded like he was putting most of his attention into the massage, but Dex answered anyways.

“Yeah,” he said, and then quickly added, “I mean, I don’t want to jinx it or whatever but, like, we’ve been playing really well? Like, Chowder had a shutout in the last game and Jack’s been scoring like, constantly, and I don’t know, it’s just all been working so far?”

Nursey’s hands moved across to Dex’s other shoulder and Dex flinched but didn’t move away and, after a moment, Nursey seemed to realize that it was his turn to talk, because he said, “You’ve been playing well too, yeah?” and Dex reminded himself not to shrug.

“Yeah?” he said, this time more like a question, because he didn’t really know how to compliment himself, but Nursey hummed and then waited for more, so he went on with, “I’ve gotten a few assists, but mostly I’ve just been hitting people, so.”

Above Dex, Nursey laughed slightly. “No shit,” he muttered, and then he added, “But seriously, Dex, next time would you come see me like, before you lose the ability to move entirely?” and Dex rolled his eyes.

He said, “I’m fine,” and Nursey snorted so he added, “And I’m here now, aren’t I?” and he could practically feel Nursey roll his eyes, but he didn’t say anything else and, after a moment, Nursey sighed.

“You are,” he admitted, and then said, “Which is more than you would have done a few months ago, I guess,” but then he moved his hands a big lower and pressed down and Dex practically rolled off the table in pain, and Nursey muttered, “Fucking hell,” and got back to work.

Dex let him work in peace after that, listening as Nursey muttered the occasional, “Jesus Christ,” or, “Fucking hell,” or, “Actually just ridiculous,” and he tried not to take them personally.

Instead, he did his best to stay still and quiet, and he enjoyed the feel of Nursey’s hands and he enjoyed how just being around Nursey made him feel in general and then, when the whole thing was over and Nursey finally said, “Alright, I’ve done all I can for now,” Dex hesitated before leaving.

He got dressed and he grabbed his bag and he considered heading to the library to study because, really, he had about a million different things to work on, but then he thought better of it.

He thought about the fact that, really, it had been ages since him and Nursey had hung out, and he thought about how much he’d missed Nursey, and he thought about how much better he felt being around Nursey and, in the end, he said, “Hey, if you’re done soon, we could go to Annie’s?” and he tried not to act too excited when Nursey agreed to it.

 

//

 

Everything about the Frozen Four left Dex feeling something between awe and terror, though he did his best not to let it show.

The rink they were playing at was the biggest one he’d ever seen, and the building was shiny and beautiful and new, and the locker room was nothing like theirs and it didn’t feel like home at all, but it was ridiculously big and ridiculously clean, and Dex kind of just wanted to live in it anyways.

The other teams were huge as well, filled with NHL prospects and ex-minor league players, but Dex reminded himself that, no matter who they had on their teams, Samwell had Jack Zimmermann, and that was a big deal.

The fact that it was Jack’s last season with them was also a big deal, and that part wasn’t lost on anybody.

Bitty and Shitty seemed to take turns sticking by Jack’s side, and Lardo made sure that everything ran smoothly, and Ransom and Holster were on their best behaviour, and Chowder was quiet and nervous and more serious than Dex had ever seen him, and that was probably the most eerie part of the whole thing.

Chowder was quiet on the bus there and he was quiet when they toured the arena and he was still quiet when they got back to the hotel room that him and Dex were sharing, and Dex kind of just wanted to find Bitty and tell him to fix Chowder, but Dex also knew that he should probably take care of it himself, and he knew that he wanted to because, really.

Chowder was his friend, and Dex could do this.

Still, Dex was awful at dealing with his own feelings and even worse at dealing with other peoples, and the prospect of talking to Chowder about them terrified him, so he texted Nursey a quick,  _ ‘SOS,’ _ and then added, _ ‘If you don’t hear from me in the next half hour, assume that I’m dead and start preparing for my funeral,’ _ and maybe he was being overdramatic, but if anybody would appreciate that, then it was Nursey.

After the text was sent, Dex closed his phone and turned to face Chowder, who was staring at his own phone, typing something. Dex waited until he was done, before he said, “Hey, are you doing- okay?” and then squinted and waited for a response, which came when Chowder turned to him with raised eyebrows.

“Um,” he said, and then his eyes darted around the room for a moment, before they landed back on Dex and he faked a smile and said, “Yeah? I’m fine,” and he was definitely aiming for his usual, cheeriness, but he missed it by a mile and Dex cringed.

“Are you- sure?” he asked, and his voice was stilted and awkward and the conversation was too, but Chowders smile turned genuine after a moment, and he shrugged.

“Yeah,” he said, and then added, “Or, I will be,” and then he held up his phone and said, “Caitlyn thinks it’ll be fine, so,” and then he cut himself off with a shrug, and Dex nodded.

He picked up his own phone again and saw that Nursey had sent about a million texts in the time that he hadn’t looked, and he smiled. “Nursey thinks the same,” he said, paraphrasing literally everything Nursey had actually said, and Chowder nodded and smiled slightly.

“We’ll be fine,” he said, and he didn’t sound entirely sure of it and Dex didn’t feel entirely sure of it, but they had games to play and more important things to focus on than their nerves, so that’s what they did.

Dex texted Nursey back and they talked for a while, and then there was a team meeting in the lobby, and then they went for a run, and the Frozen Four started the next day, and then they played hockey.

 

//

 

They lost, and the bus ride home was quiet.

Chowder fell asleep on Dex’s shoulder and Dex did his best not to wake him up, and Ransom and Holster were cuddling in front of them, and Shitty was asleep behind them, and Bitty still had tears in his eyes but he was holding them back and holding Jack’s hand, and Dex was exhausted.

The game had been fast and hard and ugly, and they fell behind in the second period and it had been over after that. They’d spent the third period just trying to stay afloat and when the buzzer rang at the end of it, Dex had almost been relieved.

Still, that faded away quickly, and it left him feeling sick and tired and helpless, because when the game was over, there was nothing left for him to do. They’d lost and he couldn’t fix it, and he hated that feeling more than anything else in the world.

His body felt heavy and it didn’t quite feel like his own and, every once in awhile, his phone lit up with a text, but they all said the same things.

They started off with,  _ ‘sorry about the loss,’ _ and they moved to,  _ ‘you played great, though,’  _ and they ended on, _ ‘you’ll get ‘em next year,’  _ and Dex really didn’t want to think about any of that right now, because it didn’t make him feel any better.

In the end, it was only Nursey’s string of texts that actually made Dex laugh, even if they hurt to read.

As it turned out, Nursey had watched a livestream of the game and he’d live-texted the whole thing to Dex, like he’d done a million times before, but this time reading them stung a bit more than usual. Still, Nursey’s last message read, _ ‘if it makes you feel any better, i’ll give you a free massage?’ _ and that got Dex to smile, and that was something.

It also got him to type out a reply and, even if all he said was,  _ ‘All of the massages you give are free, Nurse,’ _ it felt like something.

It felt like a weight lifting off of his chest, and it felt like Dex was giving himself permission to be happy about something even though they lost, and it felt even better when Nursey replied right away and said,  _ ‘way to make a guy feel cheap, dexy,’ _ and didn’t bring up the game at all. Instead, Nursey added,  _ ‘don’t pretend you don’t love me,’ _ and maybe that hit a bit too close to home but, just for now, Dex decided to ignore the pang in his chest that it set off.

He had a million other thoughts floating through his head and he felt a bit too close to drowning and, yes, he was going to deal with his feelings for Nurse now that playoffs were over, but he also decided to give himself a break.

He decided that he could wait a few days and recover from the game before he put his heart on the line again, so he just replied to the message with,  _ ‘Pretend?’  _ and then he smiled at the string of offended emoji’s he got in response. 

He could practically hear Nursey scoff, and it was way too easy for Dex to imagine the half-offended, half-amused look that would be on his face, and then he was imagining the bickering that they'd fall into because of it, and none of that really made Dex feel happy, but it did make him feel normal again. 

It made Dex feel like he was going to be okay, and it made him feel like losing the game wasn’t the end of the world, and it made him feel warm and safe and a tiny bit loved and, whether or not he was imagining that, Dex decided to hold onto it.

He texted Nursey a smiley face in reply, and he got a heart emoji back barely seconds later, and they kept going like that for a while longer, and it was nice so, just for a moment, Dex stopped worrying about the talk that him and Nursey were going to inevitably have .

He stopped worrying about his feelings for Nurse, and he stopped worrying about how it would affect their relationship, and he stopped worrying about the millions of other things that were weighing him down and, instead, Dex just kept texting his best friend until he fell asleep, with his phone in his hand and a small smile on his face.

 


	8. after playoffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dex doesn't talk about his feelings and then gets drunk and deals with them poorly (but the chapter has a happy ending i promise)

So a week went by, and Dex didn’t talk to Nursey.

Or, rather, he did talk to Nursey about a million different things every day, but he didn’t talk to Nursey about how he felt or what they were doing or what the fuck they were, and he just kept telling himself that it wasn’t because he was afraid.

He was waiting for the right moment, or Nursey seemed stressed and Dex didn’t want to bother him, or Dex was stressed and he didn’t want to turn his confession of love into a fight, or there were too many people around, or it just didn’t feel right, or whatever other excuse he could come up with, and that was that.

He told himself that he’d talk to Nursey when the time was right, and he told himself that he was fine with waiting until then.

When Saturday rolled around, Shitty threw a party and it seemed like the entire school piled into the Haus to commemorate the end of the hockey team’s season.

Dex got there early and he was pretty sure that Nursey wasn’t going to be there until late so, instead of looking for Nursey and then spending the night hanging off of his arm like Dex wanted to, he hung out with Chowder and Farmer, and he drank whatever Ransom and Holster handed him without question, which turned out to be a huge mistake.

Ransom and Holster had made it their mission to get the entire team drunk, and so far it was working.

There was beer and tub juice and something ridiculously sweet at one point, and Dex’s head got lighter a lot faster than he normally let it but, this time around, he couldn’t really bring himself to care.

He just ignored the fact that he hated being drunk, and he ignored the fact that he had a million assignments to work on, and he ignored how heavy the world had felt since they lost the Frozen Four, and he told himself to relax and, when that didn’t work, he told himself to drink more.

After a while, things started escaping him.

He stopped paying attention to Chowder and Farmer’s conversation, and he started focusing on the music in the background, and he stopped thinking about how much he’d drank, and he started thinking about how he was feeling, and he stopped thinking about what he was doing, and he started thinking about the fact that the season was over, and that they’d lost.

Dex hadn’t really let himself focus on that yet and it kind of hurt his heart to but, when he was drunk, he found that he couldn’t really control where his thoughts went at all.

His chest felt hollow and empty and he didn’t know how to get away from that.

Dex also realized that he wasn’t sure what time it was and he wasn’t quite sure how long he’d been sitting on the couch, but his throat was dry and his head was spinning and he really, really wanted that to stop, because he remembered then just how much he actually hated being drunk.

It made him feel tired and helpless and out of control, and it made him feel like his body wasn’t entirely his own, and it made him feel like everything in the entire world was just a bit wrong. It made him feel like he was wasting time and it made him feel like he was falling behind and, really, he felt like that all the time anyways and he didn’t need it intensified, and he wanted it to stop.

He needed water, he decided, and he needed to stop drinking.

Of course, there was tub juice in his cup and water was in the kitchen and those were both problems that he had to solve, so he drank the rest of his tub juice and then, when he had an empty cup, he pushed himself up from the couch and waved off Chowder and Farmer’s concern.

He made it a few steps before he stumbled and a few more before he ran into somebody, but whoever it was, was solid and warm so Dex leaned into them for a moment, just to steady himself, and then-

“Dex?”

Dex blinked and pulled back and looked up at whoever it was, because he recognized the deep voice and he recognized the feeling of hands around his waist and there were very, very few people that he had to look up to see anyways, and- “Thomas?”

“Dex,” Thomas repeated with a smile, moving back a tiny bit, but not moving his hands and not moving out of Dex’s personal space which-

Which wasn’t really new at all.

Dex’s head was spinning and his memories were blurry and his thoughts were all running together, but Thomas was a solid presence that was strong and firm and there, which is exactly what had started their few hook ups at the beginning of the semester. Dex had been drunk and inexperienced and eager, and Thomas had been drunk and attractive and eager, and tub juice had a way of making people do uncharacteristic things and, for a moment, Dex considered letting it happen again.

He was tired and sad and hazy, and hooking up with a hot rugby player definitely wouldn’t hurt things but, when Thomas gave him a weird look, Dex realized that he’d missed something, so he shook his head and tried to focus.

It sounded like Thomas was saying, “That was a rough way to end the season,” and there was something in his voice that made it sound like more than just condolences, and Dex kind of wanted to find out what else was there.

He shrugged and said, “Yeah, it was shitty,” and he leaned into Thomas’ hands and he thought about returning the embrace and then going further than that, and he thought about the fact that Thomas was really, really good at kissing and at a lot of other things too, and he thought about the fact that they’d lost and he thought about how badly he wanted to forget that, and then he thought about Nursey.

He thought about the fact that Nursey would probably be there soon, and he realized that if he went and hooked up with Thomas now, he probably wouldn’t get to hang out with Nursey, and he realized that he wasn’t actually willing to make that sacrifice, and he also realized that Thomas wasn’t the one he wanted to hook up with at all, and-

And Dex was still trying to think of a way to say all of that without sounding rude or weird, when he heard a throat clear behind him and he felt another hand land on his shoulder, and then he turned around and smiled as widely as he could when he saw Nursey standing in front of him, even if Nursey was definitely frowning.

Dex’s head was still spinning and his cheeks were burning and his ears probably were too, and Thomas had dropped his hands but he was still standing very close, and Dex couldn’t really bring himself to care about any of it. He just kept smiling and said, “Nurse,” in greeting, even though Nursey’s frown stayed in place.

He said, “Dex,” but his gaze went past Dex and it took a moment for Dex to realize that it was landing on Thomas, and then Nursey was asking, “What’s happening here?” and Dex swallowed down a lump in his throat because, when he thought about it, he wasn’t actually sure what was happening.

He was sad because they’d lost and he was tired because he’d been on a bus all day, but he was happy to see Nursey and he focused on that.

“This is Thomas,” Dex said, working hard not to slur his words, and he frowned slightly when he turned and saw that Thomas had taken a step back, but then he shrugged and pointed to Nursey and said, “Thomas, ‘s is Nursey,” and he was drunk and his entire body felt loose and heavy and hard to move, so he let his finger poke Nursey’s chest, and then he let his hand stay there.

For some reason, that was enough to finally get Nursey’s attention, because it was then that he looked at Dex and said, “Fucking hell, Poindexter, how much have you had?” and Dex squinted and frowned.

Normally he was good at math, but numbers weren’t really making sense to him and counting seemed like the hardest thing in the world so, after a moment, he just held up his red solo cup and said, “This is empty,” and Nursey let out a tiny laugh.

“Of course it is,” Nursey said, and he smiled so Dex smiled back, and then he heard a throat clear behind him.

He turned his head a tiny bit and he saw that Thomas was smiling too, but he wasn’t looking at Dex when he said, “Take care of him, yeah?” and then Thomas  _ did  _ smile at Dex, and then he was walking away and Dex turned back to Nursey in time to see that his hard frown was back, which wasn’t very chill at all.

Dex tried to say something along those lines and he was pretty sure that he succeeded because Nursey laughed again, but then Dex felt his stomach roll and his head got a tiny bit more foggy and standing got a bit more difficult, so he said fuck it to himself and there’s a chance he said it out loud too, and then he took half a step forward and leaned his head on Nursey’s shoulder.

He felt Nursey freeze underneath him, but that only lasted for half a second, before there was a hand rubbing circles on his back, and then Nursey’s voice was right in his ear, muttering, “I’ve got you,” and that only prompted Dex to move closer to him because, really.

Nursey was  _ right there _ and Dex could barely stand up straight but he trusted Nursey to do the work for him, so grabbing Nursey’s shirt with his hands and burying his face into Nursey’s neck felt like the easiest thing in the world. It made Dex feel warm and comfortable and safe, and it made him feel calm and content and happy, and it made him remember why he had to talk to Nursey and, all of a sudden, that seemed like the only thing that mattered.

Dex wanted to talk to Nursey, because he wanted Nursey to know how he felt, but words were hard and sentences were harder and they weren’t making sense to him at all and, in the end, all Dex knew was that he wanted to be closer, and he didn’t care that they were in the middle of a very crowded hallway.

He pressed his lips to the side of Nursey’s neck, and then he did it again and again and again, and it felt like the nicest thing in the world, and then he was pressing a kiss against Nursey’s jawline and then to his cheek and then he was so,  _ so  _ close to kissing Nursey’s lips, and then Nursey pulled back and put a hand on the side of Dex’s face to stop him, and then Dex felt everything freeze and fall apart all at once.

His head felt a tiny bit clearer and his legs felt a tiny bit stronger and he definitely wasn’t anywhere near being sober, but he felt like he was and it hurt.

When Nursey said, “Dex,  _ don’t _ ,” in a voice that was nothing but gentle and tentative, Dex felt like crying and, when Nursey’s thumb stroked across Dex’s cheekbone, Dex felt like he was being burnt by it.

Still, he wanted to lean into the touch and he wanted to close his eyes and remember the feeling of Nursey’s skin under his mouth and he wanted to make sure that he never forgot it, but he couldn’t.

Instead, he just pulled back as well, and he looked up at Nursey’s face and saw a million different things dancing there, and then Dex’s world started spinning again and, in the end, he just said, “I-” before his stomach started to churn and his throat started to constrict, and then he realized that he needed to get to a bathroom as soon as possible.

He spun around with coordination that felt impossible, and he pushed his way through the crowd and headed for the stairs because they were right there, and then he was running up them and pushing past Bitty’s tape, and he just barely closed the door behind him before he was dropping to his knees and emptied his stomach into the toilet.

He felt like he was dying and he felt like he was okay with it, and he felt more embarrassed than he’d ever been in his life, and then he was puking again and he didn’t have time to think about that.

Of course, that only lasted so long before his stomach was empty and his head was still spinning and, when that happened, Dex just let himself sink down completely, so that he was lying on the floor, trying not to cry.

He closed his eyes and he curled up in a ball and, in the end, he fell asleep there, trying to ignore the voice in his head telling him that the season was over and Nursey didn’t want him.

 

 

//

 

 

The next day, Dex woke up on the bathroom floor, with a pillow under his head and a blanket on top of him.

There was a glass of water and a bottle of Advil beside him, as well as a package of gum that he thanked every god in the world for.

His head was pounding and his stomach felt empty and he couldn’t really remember much at first, but he drank the water and took the Advil and started chewing a piece of gum and, slowly but surely, things started coming back to him.

Beer, tub juice, something mixed with lemonade, more beer, more tub juice, Thomas, and then Nursey.

Nursey.

Dex had thrown himself at Nursey and Nursey had pushed him away, and when those memories washed over him, Dex considered drowning himself in the toilet.

Unfortunately, before he could put that plan into action, there was a knock on the bathroom door, and then the door was being pushed opened and Jack walked in, and all Dex could really do was stare up at him.

Jack stared back for a minute, not looking surprised at all, and then he squinted and asked, “Are you crying?” and Dex reached up to check his face for tears.

His cheeks were dry and that much was reassuring, so he ended up saying, “No?” and then, “I-‘m sorry? For-? This?” and Jack shrugged.

“Sometimes Shitty sleeps in the tub,” he said, and then added, “He says it feels like a cocoon,” as if that made any more sense, and then he headed for the sink and grabbed his toothbrush, and Dex didn’t quite know what to do. After Jack rinsed his tooth brush and added tooth paste to it, he turned back to Dex and asked, “I’m assuming this isn’t because you wanted to feel like you were in a cocoon?” and then he started brushing his teeth and this time Dex  just shook his head because, really, he didn’t know what else to do.

He watched his captain for a moment, and then he stared at the tile floor in front of him, and then he sighed and said, “I fucked up,” because it was the truth, and there wasn’t anything else he could say to explain it.

The vast majority of his and Jack’s relationship took place on the ice, and it worked out well. Jack was his captain, and he’d talked Dex through more than a few hockey related emergencies, but that was it and that was fine, and Dex wasn’t sure that he wanted to switch it up. He wasn’t sure that he wanted to say, _ ‘I threw myself at my best friend because I’m in love with him and now he probably hates me,’ _ because he wasn’t sure what Jack would say back, and he also wasn’t sure that he was ready to say it out loud.

Because of that, he was glad when Jack just nodded and kept brushing his teeth in silence.

Of course, he finished that eventually and, when he did, he grabbed a cloth to wash his face with but, before he did that, he said, “You know, Nurse sent Bittle to check on you last night,” and Dex swallowed down the lump in his throat, because that made sense.

Even after Dex had went and fucked everything up, he couldn’t imagine Nursey not being worried about him, because Nursey was one of the best people that Dex knew and that was just the kind of thing that he did.

“Did he- seem mad?” Dex ended up asking, wincing at how stilted his voice sounded, even as Jack’s expression remained relatively blank.

“Not-  _ mad _ ,” Jack said, and then he looked up and down, and Dex thought about the fact that this was by far one of the strangest conversation they’d ever had, and then Jack seemed to decide on what to say, because he added, “Upset. And concerned. You should talk to him,” and, yeah.

That made sense too, and that was something that Dex was going to have to do because, really.

He may have ruined everything last night, but he also wasn’t willing to lose Nursey without a fight.

They were friends, and Dex was fine with that and, if Nursey didn’t want to be anything else, than Dex would be fine with that too. Or, at least, he’d have to be, because just being friends with Nursey seemed a hell of a lot better than not having Nursey in his life at all, so yeah.

Dex was going to fix this, but he didn’t actually tell Jack any of that, because that seemed a bit too weird. Instead, he nodded and said, “Yeah,” softly, and then he said, “And uh- thanks,” and Jack nodded too.

He also gave Dex a skeptical look that Dex was sure he deserved, and then said, “Take care of yourself, Poindexter,” and then he turned to go and the door swung shut behind him, and Dex was left alone, still sitting on the bathroom floor.

Of course, it only took about five seconds of that to start feeling completely and utterly pathetic and, when that happened, he rummaged through his pockets for his phone, which. 

Which was out of batteries, of course, and when Dex realized that, he started to think up a plan.

He needed to charge his phone, and he needed to text Nursey and apologize, and then he needed to hang out with Nursey and beg for forgiveness. He needed to put his stupid feelings aside and fix their friendship, and he needed to get the fuck up off the bathroom floor so, after a few more seconds of self-indulgent pity, that’s what he did.

Dex managed to sneak out of the Haus without running into anybody else, and he managed to wobble back to his dorm without too many problems, and he told himself that he was fine the entire way there.

His phone was out of batteries, and his stomach was aching, and his entire body was stiff from having slept on the floor, and his best friend probably hated him, but the spring air helped clear his head and it made him feel like he could breathe again, so that was something and he was fine.

When he did get back to his dorm, the first thing he did was plug his phone in to charge.

The second thing he did was take his clothes off, grab a towel, and head for the showers because, really. He was disgusting, and he needed to fix it.

He brushed his teeth, and he washed his hair and his face his body twice and, by the time he was done that, the water was starting to run cold and he almost felt human again. He almost felt like he could deal with whatever was waiting for him on his phone, even if just the thought of what Nursey might say to him made him want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Still, he wasn’t thinking about that.

He was thinking about how he was going to fix things, because that’s what Dex did.

He fixed things. 

It was what he was good at and possibly the only thing he was good for and, normally, he stuck with broken down ovens and cars and appliances, but he was making an exception here, and it was fine.

In his dorm, he considered pulling on sweatpants and a sweater, but he shook that thought away and went for jeans and a plaid shirt instead because, even if he felt like his entire world had fallen apart last night, he wasn’t going to look like it.

He was going to look normal and act normal and he was going to fix things, and he was going to be fine, so he got dressed and checked his phone, like he did all the time, and then he saw how many messages were waiting for him and he almost died.

The group chat was full, but that was nothing new and Dex ignored those.

He also ignored the direct messages he had from Lardo and Bitty, because he could deal with those later, and he went straight to Nursey’s name, and then he had to read everything three times before it actually started making sense because, really.

The first message read, ‘ _ dex??’ _ and then _ , ‘where’d you go??’ _ and then,  _ ‘would you at least let me know if you’re alive??’  _ and then, ‘ _ look I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want but like,’ ‘literally just send me like,’ ‘a single letter or something,’ ‘just,’ ‘you know,’ ‘so I know you’re alive,’ ‘or whatever.’ _

A while after that, there was a message that read,  _ ‘okay bitty says you’re alive so like,’ ‘text me when you wake up?’  _ and then, _ ‘we should talk,’  _ and then, _ ‘but like not in a bad way I swear,’  _ and then,  _ ‘just about,’ ‘like,’ ‘stuff,’  _ and that was all he said and Dex had no idea what to do with any of it because, really.

It was vague and not particularly helpful and Nursey sounded angry at first which was fair but then he said that he didn’t want to talk in a bad way, but didn’t want to focus on that and get his hopes up, so he spent altogether way too long analyzing the messages before he finally just typed out,  _ ‘Do you still want to talk?’ _ and then he pressed send before he could stop himself, because he was fixing this and he was fine.

And, of course, Nursey texted back right away and, of course, all he said was, _ ‘yeah man,’ _ but then he added, _ ‘my place or yours?’  _ and somehow that made it all seem a lot more real.

Somehow, that made Dex realize that his relationship with his best friend was on the line and, somehow, that almost made him panic and, somehow, being alone with Nursey seemed like the worst idea in the world so, after a moment, Dex just said, ‘ _ Annie’s?’  _ and then, ‘ _ I could use some coffee,’ _ to make it a bit less weird, and he was pretty sure he wasn’t imagining the fact that it took Nursey a lot longer than usual to reply to that.

Still, he did reply eventually and he said,  _ ‘yeah _ ,’ and then,  _ ‘sure _ ,’ and then,  _ ‘does an hour from now work?’  _ and, yeah.

This was happening whether Dex was ready for it or not, so he replied with a, _ ‘Yeah, that’s great,’  _ and his phone stayed quiet after that, so eventually he put it down and spent the next hour trying not to imagine all of the different ways that everything could go completely and entirely wrong.

 

 

//

 

 

In the end, Dex showed up at Annie’s ten minutes early, and he was surprised to see that Nursey was already there, sitting at their usual table with two mugs in front of him.

He also had a notebook open and a pen in hand, but he was tapping the pen against his lower lip and his shoulders were hunched over and his brow was furrowed and there was a chance that he looked more frustrated than Dex had ever seen him, and a part of Dex wanted to turn around and run away before Nursey actually saw him, but he couldn’t do that because he was fixing this so, instead of running, he squared his shoulders and headed straight for Nursey’s table.

When he got there, he had to clear his throat before Nursey actually looked up and, even when he did look up, he looked lost for half a second, like he was being pulled out of a better world in his head, and the familiarity of that look made Dex’s heart ache.

Everything about Nursey and their friendship and the conversation they were about to have made Dex’s heart ache, but he plowed through it anyways.

He did his best to force a smile, and then he just said, “Hey,” and his voice almost cracked, but he had more important things to worry about.

He had to worry about Nursey and the fact that Dex had ruined their friendship, so he just kept trying to smile and, when Nursey finally said, “Hey,” back, Dex felt ridiculously relieved. After a moment, Nursey added, “I, uh, got you coffee,” and then he nodded towards the mugs in front of himself and said, “With milk, like you like,” and Dex really did smile at that.

“Thanks,” he said, a bit too soft and a bit too gentle for the circumstances, but he ignored that and pulled out his chair and sat down, and then he ignored how close together the small table brought them as well. Instead, he held onto the mug and let it warm his hands, and then he bit his lip and stared into the coffee and took a deep breath and said, “I owe you an apology, for…” but then he trailed off because he didn’t know how to say it out loud.

He didn’t know how to admit to it and he didn’t know how to make it real and, all of a sudden, he didn’t want to. All of a sudden, he didn’t want to fix it, because he was hit with just how badly Nursey’s rejection last night hurt and, all of a sudden, he just wanted to drown in that.

Nursey not wanting him kind of felt like the worst thing in the world and, all of a sudden, Dex’s throat was tight and his nose was stuffy and there were tears in his eyes, and the only thing that stopped them from falling were the knees that bumped against his under the table, and the hand that reached up and cupped his cheek, and-

“Dex,” Nursey said, and then, “Will,” and then, “ _ Hey _ ,” and it was soft and gentle and infinitely kind, and it prompted Dex to look up into Nursey’s ridiculously pretty, greyish-green eyes, and then Nursey said, “You don’t have to apologize,” and it came dangerously close to patronizing, but Dex leaned into the hand anyways.

It was a small comfort and he was convinced that it would hurt more in the long run, but that was beside the point.

The point was, was that he’d kissed Nursey and, after a moment, he made himself say it out loud. He made himself say, “I kissed you,” and then he didn’t let himself look away from Nursey’s reaction, which.

Which was actually a lot different than what Dex had expected because, really.

Dex had been expecting at least a little bit of a fight and he’d been prepared for the absolute worst and he’d showed up and Annie’s half convinced that Nursey would never want to see him again after this conversation, but all Nursey did was shrug.

He shrugged and he said, “I mean, you were like, really drunk, dude,” and it almost sounded like a chirp, but then he added, “But like, if you’re sober now, you’re welcome to try again,” and-

And Dex didn’t know what to do with that, so he blinked and asked, “What?” but it was barely a question and his eyes were narrow, and Nursey’s expression was completely blank which meant that he wasn’t chill at all, and he just shrugged again.

“Like. If you wanted to like. Make out, or just like, kiss me or whatever. It’d be cool,” Nursey said, and he said it like it was a normal thing to say, and then he kept going with, “Like, it’s also cool if you don’t, obviously, but. Like. I mean. I- you’re hot, and you’re kind of my best friend but like, I’m also  _ into you _ into you and you kissed me which, like, obviously people do stupid things when they’re drunk all the time so it’s totally, totally fine if you’re actually not into me at all but, like. If you are. You know. It’s chill.”

Dex blinked again, and then he considered pinching himself to see if he was dreaming. 

He also considered testing Nursey’s  _ ‘it’s chill,’ _ theory by leaning across the table and kissing him, but he didn’t do that either.

Instead, Dex said, “What the actual fuck, Nurse,” and then,  _ “It’s chill?”  _ and his voice sounded half strangled, and he realized his mistake when Nursey started to pull his hand away and his brow started to furrow, so Dex grabbed Nursey’s hand and held onto it as tightly as he could and then he said, “I’ve been trying to figure out how to bring this up for months, and all you have to say is, _ it’s chill?” _ and then Nursey’s eyes all but lit up.

Of course, all Nursey actually said was, “Months?” with an eyebrow raised and a tiny, shit-eating grin growing on his face and Dex felt his cheeks start to burn, and-

“Oh, fuck off,” he muttered, and he leaned back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling and tried to figure out how his life had brought him here, but he also didn’t let go of Nursey’s hand and, when their legs bumped under the table, he didn’t pull back. Instead, he just stayed there for a moment, trying to sort out his thoughts and figure out what, exactly, was going on, before he sighed and straightened his back a bit and looked and Nursey and said, “Last night, you…?”

“Didn’t want to hook up with you while you could barely stand up, bro,” Nursey said and, yeah. That was fair, and Dex’s cheeks kept burning as Nursey went on with, “And you ran away before I could actually say that, so.”

“Yeah,” Dex said, and then he cringed at himself and added, “Sorry,” again, and then he narrowed his eyes when he realized that Nursey had said ‘hook up,’ and then he asked, “Are we- do you- want to just hook up? Or like-?” and it was only after he asked that he realized how scared he was to hear to answer.

For his part, Nursey bit his lip and looked down for half a second, before he said, “Or like?” and Dex swallowed.

“Dating?” he asked, and his voice sounded stilted and this whole thing was awkward, but it also seemed important.

Communication was important in relationships, and Dex desperately wanted this to be a relationship, so. He was communicating, no matter how badly the answers hurt him.

Of course, that also meant that he was ridiculously relieved when Nursey said, “I could do that,” even though he was surprisingly quick to add, “But I’m like, the worst boyfriend ever.”

Dex just said, “I’m pretty sure that’s impossible,” and then, when Nursey raised his eyebrows, looking expectant, Dex added, “I’m sure you’re at least a better boyfriend than me,” and then he smiled when Nursey snorted, but then Nursey pursed his lips and he looked like he was thinking, and-

“So, do I get to know how you know Thomas?” he asked, and Dex resigned himself to the fact that he was going to spend the rest of this conversation blushing.

Still, he just took a sip of his lukewarm coffee to try and hide it, and then he said, “Oh, we- you know…” and trailed off, and when he looked back up, he saw that Nursey was smirking.

And all Nursey said was, “Trust me, I know,” but there was something in the infliction there that made Dex think about it, and then-

“Wait, have you and him…?” Dex asked, and then Nursey’s smirk was growing even wider and Dex really, really didn’t know how to process that so, in the end, he just groaned, while Nursey laughed.

“Samwell’s not that big of a school, babe, so like, it was bound to happen,” Nursey said when he finally stopped giggling, and then he added, "And now we get to kiss each other, so like..." and, really. 

Dex couldn’t care less that they’d both hooked up with Thomas and, in that moment, he also really couldn’t bring himself to care about anything in the world, because Nursey had just called him  _ ‘babe’  _ like it was the most natural thing in the world, and then he'd talked about the two of them kissing, and then everything hit Dex at once.

He liked Nursey and Nursey liked him back and they were dating and, all of a sudden, Dex couldn't stop smiling no matter how hard he tried so, in the end, he just leaned across the table and kissed Nursey instead, and then he marveled at the fact that he got to do that now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> next chapter will be them figuring out their relationship + talking some more etc. and then the story's gonna start winding down and like, as always, if you liked this let me know?

**Author's Note:**

> if you've read this far, let me know what you think?


End file.
